Last night at the Fillmore, during the Yo La Tengo show, I sent the same text message to (nearly) every cell phone in my address book:
tell me why.
seriously.
I'm not a big texter, first of all, and I haven't talked to many of these people in a while, so this message almost certainly didn't continue some previous conversation. I have, however, on more than a few occasions, sent other random messages. I can't seem to resist.
Without any context, would anyone take the message seriously, or would my past behavior tip them off that this was the same old bullshit? Would two lines of text out of the blue cause them to dig up and reanalyze a forgotten bone of contention between us? Or prompt some level of self-questioning based on an old conversation?
The first message went out at 10:55pm. Here are the responses I received.
ALLY at 10:55pm:
You dont get to know
This is meaningless. Ally is my roommate; she sniffed out my attempt at contextless communication and replied perfectly in kind. Bah! A gold star for her.
Extra points for being really, really quick to respond.
DOM at 10:56pm:
Please resend message with area code. Your message to [omitted] could not be delivered.
I get these sometimes. It seems to be the response my phone gives me for a couple of different transgressions, including, but not limited to, sending text messages to 415 area-code cell numbers without the 415 prefix. Sigh. This took Dom out of the game, as well as Maria and Susan.
MARA calls at 11:00pm.
I obviously have no transcript of what was said, but it was something like this:
E: [plugging opposite ear at show to enable phone conversation] Hi.
M: Tell you what?!
E: I'll call you back. It was a meaningless message.
M: OK.
MICAH at 11:12pm:
oddly enough, i'm in d.c., it's 1am, and the message ringer just scared the crap out of the four of us sleeping. :D talk to you some (cont.)
MICAH at 11:12pm:
other time. -m
Well. Micah, an old friend of mine, just totally ignored the question posed in the message, gave a friendly status update (he's apparently taken to "group sleeping"), and dismisses me. Why do you ignore the pointed question I messaged you, Micah? Is it because you can't take the heat? Is it because of your sinful, sinful ways? Or is it because you were in apparently in a state of blissful, sweaty post-group-coital slumber?
Shit, I gotta remember to do this earlier for the midwesterners and east-coast peeps.
JEN at 11:30pm:
Just because baby
Jen gives a flippant, Ally-esque answer, even though I tried to grab her once (unsuccessfully) in a bar. There is therefore ample opportunity for her to interpret my text message in a serious way, yet she totally refuses to be drawn in. A gold star for her.
MATT K at 11:32pm:
what do you mean? Seriously...
Simply flipping the question around isn't completely elegant, but the critical message is conveyed: I know that you are totally full of shit, and though I am mocking your pathetic attempt to incite me, I'm also willing to aid this bullshit endeavor. Two gold stars -- the extra one is for inviting a response.
MATT B at 11:55pm:
Probably because u r gay
This cocksure bitchslap earns highest marks.
MICHELLE at 12:40am:
Nothing better 2 do. Grad school would strangle me
We've got a winner! Michelle thinks that the message is really saying "For the love of fuck, why are you going to law school?" But Michelle and I haven't discussed the law school thing in a while; thus the contextless message reveals the crux of the matter! Behold!
By the way, Michelle: don't go to law school.
ANDREA at 4:43am:
are u up
Sister Andrea texts, ominously, at 4:43am -- in a time zone two hours later than PST -- asking if I'm conscious. Yow, Andrea, what were you doing? Don't answer that.
