Burly workmen arrive at Salto's pad to install broadband cabling. While attacking the floorboards with a pink crowbar, they hear tiny mewling sounds below. They carefully pry up a single plank and see hundreds of thousands of baby rats, nesting *in* the cabling area.

Diverse city agencies are called in, as well as the ASPCA, PETA, and the Lower Haight Rodent Preservation Society. A brouhaha of epic proportions ensues: catcalls, japes, wild-eyed jig-like dances of rage and joy. There are blows and assorted fisticuffs. Then, after the storm, embraces and fond, quiet cheek-stroking.

But no broadband.

Salto still be down. And my readership is up. Go figure.