SALTO HAD A BAD DAY
On the way to the old apartment today to clean it up for tomorrow's landlord inspection, my old Honda petered out at the corner of 24th and Castro. Woe is me. The afternoon was spent tracking down someplace to get it serviced and trying to get it there. I was helped by a very nice towtruck guy named Eddie; Mission Bay Tows charges a flat-rate $40 in San Francisco. I thought it would be much more.
The old Honda may have seen its last. It's a mite hard to be grumpy about it: the old beast had 192k miles and the engine has been ominously "shuddering" for a month.
A crappy day, all in all. But Salto is hitting the road soon!
Get ready for the Salto travelblog: home to the midwest to see Mom and Dad, and then ten days in New York City. I lived in NYC from 1997-2000 and there are a ton of people I've neglected. And, as a special bonus, I'll be there for the grand fiasco of the Republican National Convention, which is takin place from August 29th to September 2.
Check back often for travelblog goodies and scuttlebutt on what's happening on the street as the Brownshirt Party tries their best to exploit 9/11.
And Salto's still gonna get a makeover, soon as I really figure out CSS. It's slow going.
SHORTER CONVENTION COVERAGE
(Courtesy of Salto.)
This guy Barack Obama who is running for Senate in Illinois spoke real good. So did Bill Clinton.
The rest of them are bitter, ineffective, or stupid.
...god knows that I'm not the biggest Clinton fan in the world, but: he's probably the most skilled politician we'll see during our lifetime. His masterful convention address is here
; watch it. (He rushes it a bit to try to beat the 11pm local news, and he still
SALTO'S FAVORITE OVERHEARD BILL CLINTON COMMENT
"If you can cheat on your wife, get caught, have it turn into a national media frenzy, and still get her to introduce you at the Democratic National Convention, you are a true Mack.
Thanks to Robert Mancini for this gem (via the Butt).
TODAY'S POINTLESS TIMEWASTER
I DEFINITELY HAVE ONE
All of the mean kitties hang out at meankitty.com. Take a look
Tines, my kitty, is definitely a lil' meanie. Sometimes.
[That is not a photo of Tines.]
Download these three songs:
The Coral -- Milkwood Blues
Parsley Sound -- Ease Yourself and Glide
Of Montreal -- Lysergic Bliss
Then go and buy the albums, you fucking cheapos.
This post is pretty much for the google-monkeys only.
I ran into a really nasty little bit of spyware that would redirect my startpage (but maybe not my homepage?) to www.ssearch.biz?wmid=1010. It would also redirect some links I clicked on from webpages. A very annoying little hijacker, this is.
It took me a while, but I seem to have found a program that cleans it up. None of the biggies do it (AdAware, hijack this!, etc.).
The program is Adware Away, available here
. [Yes, it is FREE. And it's one-click effective: no rifling through your registry, possibly messing stuff up permanently.]
[WELCOME SEARCHERS! If this post has helped you finally get rid of this crap hijackware, please
do me the honor of leaving a comment below. I'd like to keep track of how common the problem is. Thanks.]
I hate cellphones too, but...jeez.
THE BUSH TWINS "CHAT" ON THE INTERNET
Have you read about this yet? The Bush twins (who will never be shown nude
website, thank you very much) participated in an online chat recently. (They will also be active at the GOP Convention.)
But it's pretty clear that the twins weren't the ones actually giving the answers
to the questions. Funny thing, that.
Susan Kildow from Holly Springs NC wrote: As young women who embody the future of our nation, how important do you believe character to be when choosing a candidate and how does your dad stack up?
Barbara and Jenna Bush answered: Well, Susan, to us character is the most vital part of being an excellent leader. While we may be a little biased because he is our dad, we think - well, we KNOW -- that our Dad is a man of strong and principled character. If he says he is going to do something, he will do it. When we were kids, if dad said he was going to come to one of our soccer games, he would be there! And now even his critics can't argue that he is a steadfast leader who means what he says and acts with resolve. At the same time, he always treats everyone he meets with dignity and respect.
And the rest is just as funny
. There's a ton
WARNING: UBER-NERD ALERT
[I'd like to apologize to my mother and father for this post. I know that you'd thought that I would be, well, "more successful." I'm sorry. You've raised ... a giant fucking nerd.]
OK, Harry Potter fans. I've got it. Seriously. I'm not sure if this is a big revelation, but I expect that it is, as a cursory google search came up with NADA.
If you're a fan of the series, you know
that the title of the 6th and next book is:
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE
But the question is, um, who is the half blood prince
? We know it's not Harry and it's not Voldemort. Rowling told us that much
I know who it is.
I totally know who it is.
I really couldn't be more certain.
That the half blood prince is ... ... ... ...
I'm working on some links. Other people have
thought of it, durnit.
...UPDATE: I'm probably wrong
...There are many, many nerds
in the world.
The Washington Post has more
on Ken Jennings [that Jeopardy! guy], a Real American Hero.
[Note that it's always "Jeopardy!", with the exclamation point. It's never, ever just "Jeopardy."]
A POLITICS TWOFER
and Kevin Drum
both have stories that you might be interested in -- if, like, the imminent indictment
[because of the Plame affair] of someone
in this administration would interest you.
Careful reading necessary.
BROOKS AND INCONSISTENCY
Is this op-ed
by NYT pet conservative David Brooks obliquely denouncing the Iraq war, or am I just imagining things?
Let me know. I'm interested to hear what you think.
I guess the second question is how inconsistent Brooks has been on the war. Has he been a hawk? I'm not sure.
SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME THIS
You will have "absolute inside access", spending a week vacationing in the Caribbean featuring 3 of Rock's biggest artists, Journey, REO Speedwagon & Styx.
Boatload o' mullets.
I DON'T MUCH LIKE WILCO EITHER
Except for that one song.
Stephen Metcalf has a fantastic article
on the "Wilco phenomenon" in Slate. Go read it!
Listen everyone, it's the birthday of our resident perv/alien, Monster!
In honor of Monster's birthday, here is a birthday cake that Monster might like:
[If you ever are in need of a pervy cake, be sure to visit Moist and Tasty!
Please leave Monster your fond birthday wishes in comments.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MONSTER!
Yeah, I know I'm a little bit behind on this one.
But click here
to pay yer respects.
Watch for an extreme Salto makeover. Soon!
The New Yorker's humor pieces are usually crap crap crap crap. I very rarely find them funny at all.
This, however, is different. Way
As a quick-thinking senatorial aide switched on the Senate’s public-address system and cued up the infamous “Seven Minutes of Funk” break, Mr. Leahy and Mr. Cheney went head-to-head in what can only be described as a “take no prisoners” freestyle rap battle.
Most of the rhymes kicked therein cannot be quoted in a family publication, but observers gave Mr. Cheney credit for his deceptively laid-back flow. Mr. Leahy was applauded for managing to rhyme the phrases “unethical for certain,” “crude oil spurtin’,” and “like Halliburton.”
Despite the fact that both participants brought their A-game and succeeded in dropping mad scientifics, the bout seemed to end in a draw.
[link fixed, thanks bigd
..."Most of the rhymes kicked therein"? GENIUS.
Read the NYT
on Elliott Smith and the release of his last record.
THE WHOLE BAG
A Delaware college student ate a bag of hallucinogenic mushrooms and drove around in a pair of stolen cars before arriving, confused, on a mountain in northwest Connecticut police said.
Paul Cunningham, 21, hiked to a nearby home Thursday night and asked to call 911, police said.
"I think I stole a car," Cunningham told a dispatcher. "I'm not sure."
Police said Cunningham, of Dover, Del., confessed that eating an entire bag of mushrooms, "probably wasn't a good idea." He allegedly told investigators that he had no idea how many laws he broke during a three-day excursion that took him 300 miles from home.
A student at Wilmington College, he told a state trooper that he bought the drugs in Dover on Monday, according to the Republican-American of Waterbury. The next day, he went for a drive and twice got lost in Connecticut.
He told police he remembers taking a train to LaGuardia Airport in New York, where he found a car with its keys in it. He's unsure where he went from there.
"I once again found myself lost in Connecticut," Cunningham reportedly told police.
After locking the keys in the stolen car, Cunningham allegedly stole a van from a Southbury rest stop.
In Canaan, he decided to climb Music Mountain to see what was on the other side, police said. Investigators believe the exercise cleared Cunningham's head.
"I want to correct my mistakes," Cunningham reportedly told Trooper Andre Roy. "In retrospect, this was a bad idea."
He volunteered a written confession, police said. He was arraigned Friday and was held on $2,500 bail. Both stolen vehicles were recovered.
TODAY'S BIT OF UNPAID ADVERTISING
I'm totally gonna visit MetroNaps
when I'm in NYC in late August.
MetroNaps provides America with mid-day rest facilities: a clean, comfortable place to take a nap. MetroNaps was born from the realization that many employees spend significant amounts of their day dozing at their desk or catching powernaps in odd places. We seek to be the premier provider of professional nap centers in the United States.
Founded in 2003 and researched and tested at Carnegie Mellon University. MetroNaps™ has developed a process and facilities to help maximize the rejuvenating effects of a brief rest. Combined, the MetroNaps Method and the MetroNap Pod™ provide our customers with the quick recharge needed so they can do more with their day, both professionally and personally.
MetroNaps opened its first location in the Empire State Building in May 2004. The company plans expansion through its three services: store locations, corporate installations, and leased MetroNap Pods™.
But can you take a "nap" with another person? Um.
OUR SOCIETY IS FUCKED UP
So Martha Stewart gets sentenced
to five months in prison, and then, at the press conference afterwards:
In the plucky style for which the self-made millionaire is known, Ms. Stewart urged people to buy her magazine, and to encourage advertisers to keep supporting her products. In fact, after her sentence was announced, the price of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, her company, soared, up 29 percent to to $11.20 a share just before noon, yielding Ms. Stewart a paper profit of $355,000 on her stake in the company, according to records filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission. The stock value had plunged after her conviction.
Buy my magazine! And then her stock goes up and she makes a half-mil.
Some days, everywhere I look, I see decay.
BACK ONLINE BABY
OH DEAR DEAR DEAR DEAR DEAR
Still no internet from home.
In terms of internet access, Addam, my new roommate, has the keys to the kingdom. And the gate still be shut at home, hm?
And that awful job is finished too. With access issues, Salto will likely be awfully stagnant for the next few days.
Hope each of you (three?) is doing well.
DICK CHENEY'S IPOD
THAT JEOPARDY GUY
Slate has the scoop
Watching Ken Jennings play is like witnessing any great athlete in top form: He's the Michael Jordan of trivia, the Seabiscuit of geekdom. Note his systematic habit of moving down the categories vertically, one by one, rather than skipping around the board. His nearly preternatural ability to land on the hidden Daily Doubles. His obscure betting tactics, which, as near as I can divine, are inspired by an obsessive-compulsive need to end each day's winnings with a round figure. His habit of adding some thematic je ne sais quoi to his answers (which, this being Jeopardy!, are of course phrased as questions.) If the topic is a foreign country, he'll answer in that country's accent, and in answer to one clue about hip-hop music, the ultra-white Ken memorably responded, "What is rap, yo?" Like a hot-dogging ball player insisting on his special end-zone touchdown dance, Jennings will no doubt take heat from some viewers for these stylistic quirks, but what the hell? It's show business, of a sort, and KenJen's antics have once again made Jeopardy!—which I hadn't watched regularly since matching wits with my Dad in high school—required viewing.
Have you seen this guy play Jeopardy? He's amazing.
has the shortest, most heartbreaking IM ever.
is a genius, obviously:
In fact, here's my ideal plan for the Kerry campaign. At an upcoming rally, an anti-Kerry protestor starts to burn an American flag. Kerry leaps down from the podium and starts strangling the protestor with his bare hands, then hurls him to the ground and rescues the flag. In the course of putting out the fire, he suffers minor burns that, the campaign announces, will force him to be hospitalized and inaccessible to the media and the public until mid-October. In the meantime, Edwards is dispatched to present the Democratic message for the next three and half months.
is excellent today.
Kerry is sharp and he made the right choice.
THANK GOD IT WASN'T THIS:
...I'm seriously happy about this. Back on track or something.
I've been here for 12 hours. Four more to go today. 8am to midnight. Suck.
THE MAY DAY MYSTERY
If you haven't seen this May Day Mystery thing yet, you should take a look
. The background is here
Think you're smart? Decipher this
. You might get paid.
THE BUSHIAD AND THE IDYOSSEY
December's rosy-fingered dawn gently
Brushes sleep from his dream-soaked eyes,
But Resolute George wakes up royally pissed,
Roiling with rage, his insides scorched
By a hot and furious furnace, welding
Purpose ever tighter to his heart.
What insult, humiliation or disgrace
Could cast his soul so completely in revenge?
His pain and family’s lust for vengeance
Are hidden under wraps of stately words, yet
Placed before a world transfixed by
Calls for guts and glory in the kingdom
Over breakfast, Sly Ashcroft, who taps into
George’s mind much as he does his phone,
Lays down his counsel to this Prince, this
Leader risen through his family’s honor to
Take his place in hallowed history,
And wield the presidential scepter.
Sly Ashcroft, whose panoptic plan
Seduces hearts and minds through fear,
Waits eagerly for Armageddon when
Saved souls will reign with God above. His
Inner vision colors all he sees with
An impenetrable, opaque shroud of faith.
Sly Ashcroft whispers, "Hold fast,
My Prince, the moment approaches. Our path
Is through strength. Power is manifest and
He who weakens falls behind, will lose the race
To promised land where victory brings acclaim
And legends of leadership are carved in stone. Hold fast!"
I couldn't see the SF fireworks from the 24th floor of 3 Embarcadero
, where I've been holed up for the last four days working on some crappy temp job. THE TWENTY-FOURTH FLOOR! Goddammit. They were hidden behind Telegraph Hill or something.
I've worked 48 hours in four days and I wanted to see the fucking fireworks. Fuck!
FUN WITH CRAIGSLIST
I posted this in the Craigslist [SF] "For Sale" category "baby+kids"
two-year-old male baby for sale - $1000
Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here
Date: Sun Jul 4th 06:35
i've got a two-year-old male baby for sale. he's mine. i don't want him anymore. $1000/bo. i'll deliver.
i'll post any responses i get.
From : xxxxxxxxxxx
Sent : Monday, July 5, 2004 1:55 AM
To : firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject : two-year-old male baby for sale - $1000
is this a kind of joke.. then i must say, its not at all a nice joke on 4th July..
Your posting has been removed by the craigslist community.
Several craigslist readers flagged it for the following reasons:
Old words here
ROCK PAPER SADDAM
: TWO PAPERS!
THE TEMPORARY TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF
Blogging from work!
Fear ye mortals! I'll rend you asunder and suchlike!