There are two types of people. There is the type that might see the new Rocky movie. Then there is the type that will never see the new Rocky movie. It is an impossibility.

I fall into the latter group.

I'll just point out that this movie is really just a continuation of the boomer fantasy that they're not in fact getting really, really old. This phenomenon has many facets: the most obvious are these laughable cultural artifacts of which Rocky is a prime example. There are other more pernicious aspects of this tendency, like the enormous generational employment clogging in industry after industry that prevents post-boomers (ahem) from moving up as quickly and naturally as they should. Listen, boomers: FUCKING RETIRE.

But, on Rocky: I will find someone to disclose to me the ending of the movie. If it doesn't end with Rocky's death in the ring at the hands of a black man it's obviously rank idiocy. Also, as if any boxing commission in the country is going to let a 60 year old in the ring with a young buck.

Stallone sucks too.

That is all.

MORE: That is not all. There's this.