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This might be an un-PC question, but do I really have to respect religious people?
Because not only are theirs beliefs stupid, they are harmful as well. This quote from a Washington lobbyist on the religious right, regarding why global warming cannot be real and isn't really an issue, illustrates the problem fairly well: "Is God really going to let the Earth burn up?" Fucking Christ. via Think Progress
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THIS ONE'S FOR THE LAWYERS
At least four GOP candidates for the Alabama supreme court have stated some version of: State supreme court judges should not follow obviously wrong decisions simply because they are `precedents,' Repeat after me: AAAAHHHHHRRRRGGGHH!! "State supreme courts may decline to follow bad U.S. Supreme Court precedents because those decisions bind only the parties to the particular case," he wrote. What the fuck?! That may be true of Bush v. Gore, but generally, no. Another candidate, Henry P. "Hank" Fowler, a member of Parker's staff, said conservative judges must stop surrendering to liberal Supreme Court opinions "without a word of protest." And lawyer Ben Hand said judges "can't just break the law and then point to the guy down the street in the black robe and say, `He told me to.'" Huh? Are GOP candidates for the Alabama supreme court chosen for their ability to spew utter nonsense and drivel? First, with the Prez's appointments, I doubt we have to worry about "liberal Supreme Court opinions." Second, if "the guy down the street in the black robe" is a US Supreme Court Justice, and has "told you to" by striking down a law, then you are not breaking said law when you follow that precedent. Fuckwits. [via Americablog]
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THE BANNED CARTOON COLLECTION
restored for Historical and Educational purposes
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a horrendous, jumbled, incoherent mess
Glenn Greenwald says: More than anything else, our foriegn policy is just a horrendous, jumbled, incoherent mess -- actions in search of some post hoc, unifying rationale. We embrace the worst tyrants in China, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and Egypt; act with hostility to numerous democratically elected governments that we dislike; and then preach to the world that all of our actions, including our militarily aggressive ones, are geared toward the goal of spreading democracy and freedom around the world.
There are good, convincing, legitimate reasons why we should maintain alliances with undemocratic countries which nonetheless promote U.S. interests (including, for instance, a country's cooperation in tracking Al Qaeda activities, as Libya's intelligence service provides). Virtually every country makes its foreign policy decisions based on that self-interested calculus. But we are a country which has now loudly proclaimed that everything we do -- including invading soveriegn countries -- is justified by our need to bring democracy to the world. Once a country makes that the proclaimed centerpiece of its foriegn policy, acting in direct contradiction to it achieves nothing other than the destruction of national credibility and the failure of every claimed foreign policy objective. Glenn is just a little bit late on this one. The US cannot act in direct contradiction to its proclaimed foreign policy goal of bringing democracy to the world. That is because by the new definition, anything the US does is "bringing democracy." Look it up: de·moc·ra·cy ( P ) Pronunciation Key (d-mkr-s)n. pl. de·moc·ra·cies 1. Government by the people, exercised either directly or through elected representatives. 2. A political or social unit that has such a government. 3. The common people, considered as the primary source of political power. 4. Majority rule. 5. The principles of social equality and respect for the individual within a community. 6. Any damn thing the USA wants it to mean. Thus, for example, what is massacring civilians at Haditha? It is bringing "democracy." See? Very simple.
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BIGOTS
Drudge's latest: Dem Chair Dean Compares Gay Marriage Opponents To Bigots... I'll do one better: ARE bigots. There is no rational reason to prevent gay marriage, or some civil analogue that provide all the same legal rights and privileges. I understand that your religion may have its own quaint superstitions or idiosyncrasies, most or all of which are completely irrelevant to modern life. And if you want to live that way, that's fine by me. If your religion requires you to fuck a melon, then fuck the shit out of it, I say. But keep me out of it. Don't use your religion as an argument to legally require me to fuck a melon, you sick melon-fucker.
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Shooting us down in the streets
The past few years of living under the Bush regime has led to some strange political bedfellows. One example is former Trotskyist Christopher Hitchens* allying himself with the warmongers in the Bush camp. More interesting to me is the case of Paul Craig Roberts, former Assistant Secretary of the Treasury in the Reagan Administration and Editor at The Wall Street Journal and National Review, defecting to the left and writing for Alexander Cockburn's Counterpunch. The Bush regime appears to have radicalized former Reaganite Roberts so much that he sounds more Chomskyish than Chomsky. The Right can keep Hitchens. I'm cool with having the somewhat hyperbolic Roberts on our side: The criminal Bush Regime has now murdered more Iraqis than Saddam Hussen. The Bush Regime is also responsible for 20,000 US casualties (dead, maimed for life, and wounded). Bush damns the "axis of evil." But who has the "axis of evil" attacked? Iran has attacked no one. North Korea has attacked no country for more than a half century. Iraq attacked Kuiwait a decade and a half ago, apparently after securing permission from the US ambassador.
. . .
Where does the danger to the world reside? In Iran, a small religious country where the family is intact and the government is constrained by religious authority and ancient traditions, or in the US where propaganda rules and the powerful executive branch has removed itself from accountability by breaking the constitutional restraints on its power?
. . .
Americans think that they are the salt of the earth. The hubris that comes from this self-righteous belief makes Americans blind to the evil of their leaders. How can American leaders be evil when Americans are so good and so wonderful?
. . .
Wasn't it evil for the US to bomb Iraq for a decade and to embargo medicines for children? When US Secretary of State M. Albright was asked if she thought an embargo that resulted in the deaths of 500,000 Iraqi children was justified, she replied, "yes."
The former terrible tyrant ruler of Iraq, Saddam Hussein, is on trial for killing 150 people. The US government murdered 500,000 Iraqi children prior to Bush's invasion. When the US government murders people, whether Serbs, Branch Davidians at Waco, or Iraqi women and children, it is "collateral damage." But we put Saddam Hussein on trial for putting down rebellions.
Gentle reader, do you believe that the Bush Regime will not shoot you down in the streets if you have a rebellion?
*Shamefully, I must disclose that I used to be a big Christopher Hitchens fan. The folly of youth....
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a comprehensive visual map that merges various timelines of musical, technological, economical & political trends.
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GRAND THEFT YOUR SOUL!
I wonder if Left Behind: Eternal Forces will let you fuck prostitutes minister to the wayward. I'd imagine there's a mission in which you and your fellow Christian Soldiers must transfer a child molesting priest to another parish while protecting him from evil, godless law enforcement officers trying to bring him to secular justice. Don't they understand that he is judged by a Higher Power? One that has apparently sentenced him to time served?
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Chavez for President
Hugo Chavez's program of providing discounted heating oil to poor neighborhoods in the US seems to be winning some hearts and minds. A resident of Philadelphia that is a recipient of the discounted oil met with Chavez. She said: "All I had heard about Chavez was that he was a dictator," Santiago, 38, said after returning to Philadelphia. "The man is far from that. He's a really warm person. I wanted to bring him home and stick him in the White House." I think I'd prefer Chavez in the White House to Mr. Danger myself. (Hi, NSA!)
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What next? Are you going to tell me there is no santa clause?
In honor of this Memorial Day, Fire Dog Lake points out that there is no "war on terror."
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the downward spiral: ventura. schwartzenegger. and now the nuge.
In an interview with The Independent, draft dodging chickenhawk Ted Nugent has announced his intention to run for Governor of Michigan in 2010. I don't really have much to add in the way of commentary about the interview, since The Nuge is basically his own punchline. Some favorite interview moments: [Ted Nugent] explains his political philosophy which, as I understand it, is based on extending the death penalty to a far wider range of crimes than homicide, then arming any survivors to the teeth.
...
"I say if somebody robs you, shoot 'em. I'd like all thieves killed. And all rapists. And carjackers. No more graffiti. No more...snatch-pursing."
...
He went to Fallujah in May 2004, as part of a tour with the USO.... "And I visited Saddam Hussein's master war room. It was a glorious moment. It looked like something out of Star Wars. I saw his gold toilet. I shit in his bidet." In Iraq, he says, he was allowed the opportunity to man automatic weapons. "Our failure," he tells me, "has been not to Nagasaki them."
...
Just to set the mood, he fires the .22 out of the open cab window.... He fires at a Styrofoam bear using his weapon of choice, a traditional bow and arrow. "Straight through the heart... dead bear," says Ted, as his heavily pitted target submits to yet another onslaught. "Both lungs... dead bear." The arrows, which he makes himself, keep flying. "Dead bear... dead bear... dead bear."
...
"I saw the riding crop. A lot. I felt it, I think, just once. But corporal punishment is real good. It teaches dogs not to shit on the couch."
"It didn't stop you urinating on that nun."
"These are legends."
"You've described that incident for publication."
"I was in Jesuit School. When we peed, the nuns would stand behind, checking on us. I had an erection one time and I peed all over the wall. I was inclined to turn round and tell the nun 'I'm just peeing here.' I didn't....Neither did I poke my erect penis through a map of West Virginia - did you read that?"
"No."
...
"You want to know how to get peace, love and understanding?" he replies. "Who doesn't know this? The Ku-Klux-Klan? The Black Panthers? Child rapists? How do you get peace, love and understanding? First of all you have to find all the bad people. Then," Nugent adds, "you kill them." Please, Michigan voters, don't elect this man. Please. via Jesus' General.
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QUACKERY
This is clearly ten kinds of bullshit. I was going to discuss all the nutty shit that used to pass for science in the Soviet Union, and I'm guessing still goes on over there. But then I remembered that we here in the U.S. are still pretty retarded. The Pentagon's classified budget includes untold millions for " antimatter weapons, psychics and telepathy, [and] a "nuclear hand grenade" that may cost billions and seems certain to fail." The National Institutes of Health has a center dedicated to " complementary and alternative medicine," which seems to promote every bit of pseudo-science churned out by half-wits. Homeopathy is my favorite bit of this nonsense. One of the kooky ideas behind homeopathy is the Law of Infinitesimals (note the misuse of the word "law"), the hypothesis that the smaller the concentration of a drug, the greater the effect. As a result, many homeopathic "cures" are extremely diluted. Some medicines are so diluted that in order to ensure getting one molecule of the effective ingredient, you would need to take a dose larger than the known universe. The best thing you can say about homeopathy is that at least the water or sugar pills you're taking won't kill you. Unfortunately, people die because they forego real treatment. And god knows how much money we waste on research grants for this crap. This is money better spent fixing rich men's horses.
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HEY, YOU GOT SCIENCE IN MY -TOLOGY!
Did they build the Super Power Center using only the power of their minds? Ron Pollack, rich asshole who had nothing better to do with $5 million dollars than give it to this crackpot project, has a handful of service completions, probably representing another shitload of money better spent elsewhere. Look up the completions of your favorite Hollywood nutjob. Everyone's favorite psycho, Tom Cruise, née Mapother, only has a listing for something called, " STUDENT HAT COURSE," which is apparently like remedial Scientology studies.
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ETHAN OUT
I'm leaving home for a month for various travels. Blogging will be only occasional (like it's not anyway). You will be in good hands. The soft, delicate hands of monster, BigD, cravenidoru, and jps3, to be exact. Salto's really gotten better with their addition. Thank you, bloggers.
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AN ENRON DIVIDED
Via Drudge, the AP has this story, " Enron Verdict Divides Former Employees," which begins: After hearing Thursday that Enron Corp. founder Kenneth Lay and former Chief Executive Jeffrey Skilling had just been convicted of conspiracy to commit securities and wire fraud, former employees' reactions ranged from elation to satisfaction to indifference. From elation to indifference? Do they really sound that divided? "They were convicted! I am elated!" "Fuck you! I'm indifferent!" A brawl ensues.
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Nuclear Energy. Yesterday's Answer.
Aahhhhh, the '70s. Disco. Bell bottoms. My birth. And our very own dictator in power in Iran, the Shah. Times were different then. Simpler. We* actually wanted Iran to have nuclear reactors, and used the Shah as our glamorous ad man. Here is a classic ad from that bygone era:  * "we" as in US power companies. via MRZine
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Sultan's Dowry Problem
 Also referred to as "the bachelor's problem", "the secretary problem", and "the wife selection problem", this problem was originally posed by Martin Gardner in his Mathematical Recreations column in the February 1960 issue of The Scientific American and is a well-studied optimization problem, A sultan has granted a commoner a chance to marry one of his daughters. The commoner will be presented with the daughters one at a time and, when each daughter is presented, the commoner will be told the daughter's dowry (which is fixed in advance). Upon being presented with a daughter, the commoner must immediately decide whether to accept or reject her (he is not allowed to return to a previously rejected daughter). However, the sultan will allow the marriage to take place only if the commoner picks the daughter with the overall highest dowry. Then what is the commoner's best strategy, assuming he knows nothing about the distribution of dowries? Analysis here.
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WHEREIN I SEE THE LIGHT
With Jefferson looking like an amazing fucking crook, it was easy for me to say, "Fuck that guy! Neither he nor any of those other goddamn criminals should be able to hide illegality in their offices. Hastert can lick my taint." It was so easy that I did in fact say those very things. But FDL sets me straight, as is so often the case. And I didn't even consider the political aspect of a high-profile raid of a Democratic Congressperson's office in the wake of non-stop Republican corruption scandals. Fuck. I'm like a babe in the woods.
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Kenny Boy
In honor of the recent convictions of dirtbags Kenneth "Kenny Boy" Lay and Jefferey Skilling (hurray!), here is a letter from Kenny Boy's good buddy George W. Bush, apparently wishing him a happy 55th birthday:  "Wow!" (hat tip to Dependable Renegade)
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Another quick piece of legal advice
If you are being tried for assault, don't slap your defense lawyer in front of potential jurors during jury selection.
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LAY WITH DOGS, YOU GET FLEAS
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WHAT PROGRESS?
Luckily, I don't watch this piece of shit, so I was spared yet another fucked up Asian stereotype on prime time television. But it's not all bad news! In Korea, the National Police Agency (NPA) is now allowing multiracial people to become police officers. Great! What progress! Oh, except for this part: The NPA will also encourage biracial people [. . .] to apply as riot police. I'm not feeling a lot of altruism here. [via Mixed Media Watch]
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THE ETERNAL QUESTION
If some dumb gay bitch with a war-criminal father writes a book and no one reads it, um, does it, um, actually exist? Or something.
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MORE BRITISH FUCKWITS
An Asian man proposed on the new Apple Store's webcam. But the article wonders if "...he doesn't in fact have a fiancée at all, and is in reality a US-passport-hungry Chinese web dissident looking for fast-track up-the-aisle asylum action before Yahoo! and Google catch up with him." HA! Get it? Because he's Asian, so he must be an asylum seeking alien! Oh dear, I fear my sides have split. [via Angry Asian Man]
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I LOVE THE INTERNETS
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Shinichi Maruoka's "Children like playing from ancient times"
2005 Bologna Children’s Book Fair
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the 4th amendment, cocaine, and your rectum
via matt taibbi, here is an object lesson on what NOT to do when pulled over by the cops: Semin-hole
In a story that almost defies commentary, seven-foot Florida State basketball recruit Jon Kreft was arrested last week on drug-and-traffic charges after he was caught hiding marijuana in his car and cocaine in his rectum.
The outline of the case is as follows: Kreft was pulled over for a traffic stop. Officers observed him reaching under the seat of the car. He consented to a search, and the officers found marijuana under the seat. Kreft then volunteered to police that he had “something else” — at which point he bent over and spread his buttocks, and a baggie with 1.7 grams of coke fell out.
My question here is, who was doing the coke with Kreft? And did he or she know where he was keeping it? please remember kids, never consent to a search by the cops, because if you do so, you waive your fourth amendment right to be free from unreasonable searches and seizures. if they are asking for your consent to search, it means they do not have enough evidence to do so without your consent. it is ok to say "no" to a cop that asks if she can search your car. and, most importantly, if you have a teener of coke shoved up your ass, don't volunteer that info to the cops.
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OH, DENNIS!
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SCHADENFREUDE
Goddamn, I love it when rich people go to jail. [Updated link]
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COLORBOX
 "Use the LEFT and RIGHT arrow keys to move the color at the top of the page. Press the DOWN arrow key to drop it. When a color is dropped, its color is added to the colors in adjacent squares, using the additive color system (color theory). There is a color key for reference below. Make WHITE SQUARES for points."
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OUR FIFTH
Another blogger coming on. Watch carefully.
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*SIGH*
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PROOF: GOD EXISTS!
There are more cogent and insightful commentaries floating around on Greenwald's post than I could ever hope to write. It is well worth a read. But this passage makes me wonder: For all the talk of the weakened and impotent presidency and the split among Republicans, it is still virtually always the case that the President gets what he wants, and does so without much difficulty. Why does this happen? People who fucking hate him roll over for a belly-rub? The only possible explanation is that he sold his soul to Satan. In fact, this is the best evidence I have ever seen for the existence of God. How else can such a complete screw up live such a charmed life? Can we pool a few souls on the left to cancel out his mojo?
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Oliver Byrne's "The First Six Books of The Elements of Euclid"
 "In which coloured diagrams and symbols are used instead of letters for greater ease of learners."
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R. Buckminster Fuller's "Synergetics"
 "Please do not refrain from reading this book because you have become suspicious that a comprehensive inventory of discovery precludes further discovery."
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NAMASTE, AND GOOD LUCK
 I haven't been this excited about a night of teevee since probably the Twin Peaks era. Tonight is the season finale of Lost, ABC's complex and enigmatic island adventure. Either you're into it or you haven't been watching and have no idea what's going on. For those of you falling into the latter category, ABC will rerun an episode consisting entirely of gentle explanations and clips just before the two-hour finale at 9pm. If you're into it, and interested in speculating about what's going on, I recommend this thread (from a Lost forum). It's the most intelligent and interesting Lost debate I've seen online. MSNBC has a collection of ten questions that Lost needs to answer. Soon. And I reveal my favorite Lostie here.
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cartograms
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Duniya Main Logo Ko from Apna Desh
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GEEK OUT
Let me be a complete dorkus malorkus for a second. If the producers of The Sopranos turn Preacher into an HBO series, I may achieve a four hour orgasm.
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I'M NOT BITTER
A post to prove that I'm not a bitter old goat. I told a friend in Spain that bored rich kids invariably went to Prague. When a bored rich kid subsequently told her that she was going to Prague, my friend almost plotzed. A few years ago, I heard that Dubrovnik was the new Prague. It's a lovely city, part of Croatia's Dalmatian coast. Home of what strikes me as an odd webcam, as well as Europe's oldest pharmacy, still in operation since 1317. After you've walked the walls of the old city, take a ferry to the island of Korcula, apparently the birthplace of Marco Polo. If you like it, consider permanent residence. Spend some time in the small town of Lumbarda and sample the local wine, Grk. Drink a lot of it to soothe the pain of trying to say words in which the only vowel is an R. You don't have to do or see cultural things, or "hillbilly shit" as my father would likely call it. There are other ways of getting some local flavor. There are a few tips on getting around here. My tip is to rent the smallest car possible, if you are renting a car. In smaller towns, the streets are not wide enough to accomodate some cars. Locals know which cars will fit down which streets. In the alternative, get the insurance and fuck it up good. They say that Croatian women are the most beautiful women in Europe. I read that in a Croatian Airlines in-flight magazine, so it might not have been the most impartial source. I'm partial to Croatia myself, and not just because the English translation of the most commonly used profanity is, " I fuck your god." It turns out that BigD is HOTT in Croatia. Croatian ladies love the BigD. Picture the hottest guy you can imagine. In Croatia, that guy turns gay and blows me. That's how hot I am. (Unless the guy you pictured is already gay. In which case, he just blows me. But I'm still HOTT.)
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THIS IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT
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FREE YOUR MEDIA
The free flow of data wins again.
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I CAN'T COMPLAIN
There's nothing wrong with this anymore. We've established that Godwin's Law is defunct. Oh, there was once a time when that sort of thing would be considered offensive. Perhaps those were better days. But that was before the Republicans went apeshit. Now, it's not just okay to repeatedly say REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER, but encouraged. (Only a ♥ because there's no ascii character for fellatio.)
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TOO QUIET
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Visualizing Positive Definite Matrices
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THE CORPORATE SURVEILLANCE STATE II
Wired follows up on its previous report from its whistleblower, reiterating that AT&T are fuckers.In 2003 AT&T built "secret rooms" hidden deep in the bowels of its central offices in various cities, housing computer gear for a government spy operation which taps into the company's popular WorldNet service and the entire internet. These installations enable the government to look at every individual message on the internet and analyze exactly what people are doing. Documents showing the hardwire installation in San Francisco suggest that there are similar locations being installed in numerous other cities. They know everything. I predict that there will not be as much outrage as there should be.
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PEOPLE ARE STUPID
 Anyone who gives a shit about an injured horse oughtta have their right to vote revoked. This country is retarded.
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THE CORPORATE SURVEILLANCE STATE
Verizon needed 44 pages to not-answer a Maine state inquiry about NSA domestic phone mining. Yeah, I'm sure they're innocent. The frightening thing, though, is this: In a 44-page response to the Maine Public Utilities Commission today, Verizon refused to confirm or deny cooperation in the illegal National Security Agency program, arguing that the Public Utilities Commission lacks the authority to investigate whether Verizon has provided NSA access to its customer records and its switching machines in Maine. Verizon further asserted a "state secrets privilege.” The state secrets privilege, when properly invoked, permits the government to block disclosure of particular documents that would cause harm to national security.
“We were surpised to see Verizon make the state secrets argument because only the government, not private entities, can assert that privilege,” said Shenna Bellows, Executive Director of the Maine Civil Liberties Union. “Use of the state secrets argument indicates that Verizon lawyers may have worked closely with federal government lawyers in drafting a response to the PUC. Both the PUC and Senators Collins and Snowe should proceed with a thorough investigation of Verizon’s actions. More: “I’m dumbfounded that this corporation is trying to hide behind the federal government’s state secret privilege,” said James Cowie, MCLU member and lead complainant in complaint case Docket No. 2006-274. “Verizon’s response reads like it came from the government, instead of our local telephone company. I hope Senators Snowe and Collins would be concerned about this as well.” Then you throw in news like this, today, and well, we're screwed. Really.
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BUT I'M A REPUBLICAN! I DON'T NEED KNOWLEDGE!
Republicans don't just revel in ignorance, but insist on it. [via Pharyngula]
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COPY FREELY
I love having the ability to make backups of my discs, for archival purposes, of course. Discs that I have purchased and legally own, of course. I don't actually copy discs, but I just love the fact that I can. Designing copy protection has to be one of the most thankless jobs in the new economy. Everyone hates you, and everything you do is completely and utterly pointless. The whole point of intellectual property protection is to promote the creation of intellectual property for the good of society. Rewarding artists and programmers is a means to that end, not an end in itself. And I sure as fuck don't care about fuckers like the record labels. Especially when many, if not all, of their traditional functions are provided free over the internet. I don't know what a perfect, or even a better intellectual property regime for the digital age would look like. But it seems to me that there must be a better way to do it than squeezing away the rights of the people who are supposed to be the beneficiaries of the system. Don't you hate that you don't actually own any of your digital media? They've created a system in which you only own things free and clear if you steal them. And they wonder why piracy is king?
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LORDI WINS!
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LOOK ON MY WORKS, YE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR!
The Mexican foreign secretary can call the French ambassador and fucking howl with laughter. Or not, considering the fact that neither of these guys has any idea who O'Reilly is. I wish I didn't.
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CAT TANK!
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MIRACLES OF MODERN SCIENCE
Do you think they told this guy they were going to do this before they put him under anesthesia? Actually tho, this is pretty cool.
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BRITONS CAN BE DUMBSHITS, TOO
It's not just people in the United States who are completely retarded when it comes to race. It's hard to remember that sometimes, what with the whole REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER thing.
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BUT MY MAGIC 8-BALL SAID SO!
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UM, TWO PARTS?
Yikes: The 52-year-old Tioga-Nicetown man, who we are identifying only by his first name of Howard, arrived home late Wednesday, hours after his wife allegedly tore off two parts of his genitalia with her bare hands. I wonder what two parts? Why are they hiding the ball on this one?
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THANKS, REPUBLICAN SENATE!
I have always associated speaking more than one language with intelligence. I've always been a little ashamed that I don't speak any other languages. So I want to thank the Senate for turning my vices into virtues. If they could just get on to endorsing excessive drinking, obesity, sloth, video game playing, pornography, and near-constant masturbation, I might be in the running for Time's Man of the Year.
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WHERE'S JIMMY?
So, are they going to find him? Anyone know what the odds are?
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YE OLDE CHILDE OF PRIVILEGE
Tony Blair's kid finished an internship with David Dreier, but quit two weeks into his internship with Jane Harman. The official story is that he needed to finish some school shit before going on to Harvard or Yale for post-grad nonsense. But Mary Ann Akers of Roll Call says that he got pissy because they actually wanted him to work, y'know, like all the other interns. If he goes to Yale, maybe he'll return to England, run a few businesses into the ground, get bailed out by Saudi princes, and succeed his father as PM. Farfetched, I know, but stranger things have happened.
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MORE OF THE SAME
Orcinus is always fucking amazing, as the kids say. Unfortunately, frequently too long and interesting to read while trying to look productive. But today he draws attention to the cyclical nature of racist rhetoric: MEN FROM CHINA come here to do LAUNDRY WORK. The Chinese Empire contains 600,000,000 (six hundred millions) inhabitants.
The supply of these men is inexhaustible.
Every one doing this work takes BREAD from the mouths of OUR WOMEN.
So many have come of late, that to keep at work, they are obliged to cut prices.
It does sound familiar, doesn't it?
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HUH?
People this out of touch are our leaders? How out of touch am I that this surprises me?
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O'REILLY UBER ALLES
What a motherfucker. He is a gigantic sack of shit. He's 6'4", so we're talking a lot of shit here. When this fear-mongering asshole rants about "the browning of America" and the end of "white privilege," when he decries liberals who want to change the "white power structure," he is openly appealing to racism. I honestly don't have the words. Anything I try to say comes out as, "What the FUCK?" But really, what is this supposed to accomplish? It alienates EVERYONE who isn't white, and most (I hope it's most) white folks on top of that. The Republican party died in 2006. The corpse will twitch for a few years, but that's just the build up of gases and the gnawing of vermin. From now on, anyone who votes Republican is a necrophiliac fucking the festering, bloated remains of Nathan Bedford Forrest. That said, if the Democrats manage to pull an Ashcroft this November, I will be extremely pissed. Remember: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER
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WHERE'S MY LETTER?
The delay between the news of telco/NSA fuckery and their denials... Were their Negroponte Letters held up in the mail? There's lots of shit I want to lie about. How do I get me one o' them letters?
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WHAT'S A DEFICIT?
This is an excellent use of tax dollars. It's not like we're fighting a war with not enough troops and equipment or anything. Just goes to show, the closer the brown people are, the more the Republicans hate them. Remember: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER
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BREEDERS
When I saw this, I thought it was a joke. It's a new day in America.
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BLOW. HARD.
I must admit that I had never watched O'Reilly, except for clips on other shows or the internet. And I guess that's still true. But watching this, I now understand just how brilliantly dead-on Colbert's character is.
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REAP WHAT YOU SOW
If the corruption investigation is so onerous, why didn't you think of that when you were rutting with prostitutes and selling our democracy for a pittance?
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HECK OF A JOB, BUSHIE?
What does this mean? Rove actually said, "We're doing a heck of a job," when discussing illegal immigration. He isn't that stupid, is he? He's cruel, vindictive, and short sighted, but I don't think he's stupid. He knows very well what that phrase has come to mean. Is he just fatigued and distracted? Or is he subtly trying to tell wayward members of his party that they're really fucking the whole thing up? Probably the first, now that I think on it. Subtlety just isn't his bag.
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FEAR ITSELF, MY ASS
A short list of things that we should all fear: - NaXis
- Simple, undetectable voting fraud
- Zombies
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I Can't Stand Myself
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KUDOS TO THE DECIDER
At least we know that he decided on the right man for the (Snow) job.
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THE BEST THING EVER
Is this story. And the corresponding video. Mr Goma said his interview was "very short", but he was prepared to return to the airwaves and was "happy to speak about any situation".
He added that next time he would insist upon "preparing myself". In a just world, this incident would entrench Guy Goma as a semi-celebrity commentator about totally random shit. He would just appear on the networks every so often. Sunday talk shows, etc. Oh dear.
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THE GLOVES ARE OFF
If racist Republicans (redundant?) start out by praising Hitler's accomplishments, that throws Godwin's Law right out, yes? REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER :: REPUBLICANS ♥ HITLER It rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? I'm going to say it as much as possible. Join me, won't you?
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CORRECTION
Unlike the Decider, BigD can admit when he's wrong. John Aravosis has found the quote of the year: The official said [it] was wrong to suggest that ABC News phone calls were being “tracked.”
“Think of it more as backtracking,” said a senior federal official.
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THEY NEED TWEEZERS TO TAKE A SQUIRT
Breaking news from the BBC is that Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling are greedy and have teenie weenie peenies. " The Smartest Guys in the Room" documents some excellent examples of Enron's strip club and eXtreme sport overcompensation. I hadn't heard this bit o' news: They suffered a blow last week when the judge ruled that jurors could find the men guilty of deliberately avoiding knowledge of massive fraud.
Known as the "ostrich instruction", because it refers to a person sticking their head in the sand, the ruling means prosecutors can present a lower burden of proof to be successful. With the amazing amount of crazy illegal shit Fastow was juggling, I'd be surprised if these two eunuchs are acquitted.
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Dammit Ethan, that chick was in Niagra Falls, right?
Seriously. This is a bummer. Here I was thinking Ethan was the man, getting that hot Federal indictment action. (Don't worry Ethan, I still think you're the man, but next time I want to see photos and panites or I'm not gonna buy that you aren't Anthony Micheal Hall.)
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The Smirking Texas Dutch Boy Has Run Out Of Fingers
Again from Wingnut Central. In case you're curious how the 31% feels about the Bush immigartion talking points today. "For crying out loud! Does everyone have to be so negative? General discussion has been replaced by apocalypsic predictions. Reasonable posters are leaving this forum in droves, only the kooks and tinfoilers are left." Of course the poster seems to mistakenly think that the terms kook and tinfoiler are somehow different from Freeper to begin with. It's like someone standing up at a Flat Earth Society meeting and say "Don't be so negative. It's scaring off all of the sensible people who believe the Earth is flat." My birthday seems to come everyday lately. Now if only someone could get around to confirming the validity of Ethan's blogged about orgasm. Was there a real lady in the room? Or is she unwittnessed and living in the Niagra Falls area. Cause I need to know if it's true before I pop... er... eh... the champagne. I read Free Republic so you don't have to.
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FIT ME FOR A TINFOIL HAT
What does it say about the state of the world that this sounds entirely plausible to me? And now ChoicePoint and George Bush want your blood. Forget your phone bill. ChoicePoint, a sickened executive of the company told us in confidence, "hope[s] to build a database of DNA samples from every person in the United States …linked to all the other information held by CP [ChoicePoint]" from medical to voting records.
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NOT GOOD
We should really leave this sort of thing to the Republicans. They're much better at it.
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IF I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT DOESN'T EXIST
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I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS
If this is true, it won't matter how many nicknames he gives the people in the press corps. There'll be no more free rides for the Decider. They're going to be pissed, and rightly so. Too bad Scotty won't be fielding the questions on this one.
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AC
Awesome Color album on Ecstatic Peace next month. Tour with Sonic Youth, etc this summer. Interview with Allison here.
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crowd control
 Scientists are warming up to the idea of harnessing groups of people for distributed problem-solving. The idea of emergent solutions in human, biological, and artificial systems is by no means new. Nor is emergent behavior in human, biological, and artificial systems. I do not usually recommend biologically-inspired engineering since it is responsible for ill-advised studies by people approaching science through backyard metaphors. However, this next wave of approaches exploits natural behavior for more than just pedagogical purposes. I blame the physicists.
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SPEAKING OF RUNNING...
Gore shaved that crazy Grizzly Adams shit off his face and was actually funny. Fuck an exploratory committee, you know he's running. There's really no other reason to shave off a gigantic itchy-ass beard, especially before a national television appearance.
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WIKI-LOVE
I do love me some wiki. Inspired by a conversation with Ethan (how many times has that phrase been used?), I was about to write a post asking the NSA to stop tapping my phone and start looking for steganography in seemingly innocuous sites like this. But the Wikipedia page on steganography has this to say: Moreover, a captured al-Qaeda training manual makes no mention of this method of steganography. The chapter on communications in the al-Qaeda manual acknowledges the technical superiority of US security services, and generally advocates low-technology forms of covert communication. The chapter on "codes and ciphers" places considerable emphasis on using invisible inks in traditional paper letters, plus simple ciphers such as simple substitution with nulls; computerized image steganography is not mentioned.
First, I find it funny just how much that I trust Wikipedia as a reference, despite the fact that any chucklehead can edit the damn thing. Al-Qaeda operatives could have written the entry excerpted above, for all I know. Second, if the above is in fact true, why the hell are the NSA listening to my phone calls? Shouldn't they be reading my mail instead? Wait a minute...
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Edwards/BigD '08?
Not Earth-shattering news, but BigD hears from his sources that John Edwards was recently seen talking to big donors, judging his support for a run in '08. What's not commonly known is that BigD will definitely accept the VP nomination if offered.
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UHH. UNHHHGGHH.
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คุณหมาช่วย!
 Éste post se dedica a nuestros miembros que posean perros. Primero, te decimos sobre la ropa loca en Japón. Para ésos animales incapaces visitar el borde pacífico, puedes viajar siempre sobre el Internet a la tierra del perro. Que pena que vivo en un asilo lesbiano donde los peluqueros son aburridos pero nuestros amigos peludos son felices.
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Tatyana Simanava
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I'm not a lawyer...
This story has the bizzaro world headline "Bush Doesn't Confirm NSA Data Collection."
It's the headline right now on Drudge.
But the lead of the story is... "President Bush did not confirm or deny a newspaper report Thursday that the National Security Agency was collecting records of tens of millions of ordinary Americans' phone calls."
Since when does a not confirming or denying become simply not confirming? If I you accuse me of murder, and I give a press conference and I say "I'm not going to confirm or deny those rumors..." would the story say I simply didn't confirm that accusation? As far as I can recall, EVERY other instance of this situation yields a "Accused Murderer Refuses to Deny Charge" headline. Why? BECAUSE THAT'S FUCKING NEWS! If I don't deny, that is taken as implied confirmation by 99% of thinking adults. This is a deny first administraion. This is an Administration that has in the past denied that ANY mistakes were made in Iraq, a laughably absurd claim. It was only when Condi put forth the permissible new talking point that "we've made thousands (read trivial) of mistakes" in Iraq that they stopped denying the mistakes. Depending on Rummy's mood, he still denies mistakes. They're the, "that's not true," "we didn't do it," administration, but here they don't want to deny. Here, confronted with the charge that they may have commited one of the broadest and most insidious breaches of public trust and civil rights in American history, they refuse to deny it.
That means the whole story is true. That means the depth and breadth of the NSA surveilance program is as big and bad as the tinfoil hat people have been saying.
AND THE AP HEADLINE IS...
"Bush Doesn't Confirm NSA Data Collection"
As I said, I'm not a lawyer, so I can't see the legal dimension to Bush's carfefully chosen words today, but the only sensible reading I can see is no denial = tacit confirmation.
Again, how does that story become "Bush Doesn't Confirm NSA Data Collection" ?
Is Tony Snow director of the AP now? Is Bush?
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COLORISM
I listen to Will & Willie for about five minutes each morning, the time it takes me to drive to the train station. Recently, it was a thought provoking five minutes. While discussing the rising stars of African American Democrats like Barack Obama and Kamala Harris, Willie Brown noted that none of them were as dark skinned as he is. They theorized that it was easier for lighter skinned blacks to appeal to a wider audience. That's undoubtedly true, but I'm surprised that they didn't mention colorism as a contributing factor. (Perhaps they mentioned it in the sixth minute.) It's quite prevalent within racial groups as well as affecting people's perception of individuals of other races. I have to admit that the whole thing is a bit foreign to me. While other multiracial people have different experiences, in my household race was rarely discussed. Not in a weird, "This is verboeten," way, but the differences in cultures and colors were just never an issue. I never considered issues of race and identity until high school, which is the earliest that I can remember anyone asking me, "What are you?" It wasn't until college that I started thinking about those issues half intelligently. After an idyllic childhood without race, I now think about it every day. I realized, and it was made clear to me (being called "little yellow boy" tends to do that), that I no longer had that luxury. But I rarely think about colorism, both because I don't think that I've ever directly experienced it, and because I'm still thinking about outgroup racism. Because I was a little late to the party.
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WE'RE UGLY
The ugly American will never go away. People like this just revel in it: "We are seen as loud, arrogant and completely self-absorbed," said Reinhard, chairman emeritus of the advertising agency DDB Worldwide. "People see in us the ultimate arrogance -- assuming that everybody wants to be like us." We need to figure out some way to keep them in the country. Or keep them out once they leave.
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Seduction of the Innocent
 
In 1953, Fredric Wertham published a damning treatise on comic books titled "Seduction of the Innocent." This excerpt best summarizes his position. Slowly, and at first reluctantly, I have come to the conclusion that this chronic stimulation, temptation and seduction by comic books, both their content and their alluring advertisements of knives and guns, are contributing factors to many children's maladjustment.
All comic books with their words and expletives in balloons are bad for reading, but not every comic book is bad for children's minds and emotions. The trouble is that the "good" comic books are snowed under by those which glorify violence, crime and sadism.  The book, along with Congressional hearings, resulted in the comic book industry's adoption of a content code. This code included language such as, - Crimes shall never be presented in such a way as to create sympathy for the criminal, to promote distrust of the forces of law and justice, or to inspire others with a desire to imitate criminals.
- Divorce shall not be treated humorously nor shall be represented as desirable.
- Scenes dealing with, or instruments associated with walking dead, torture vampires and vampirism, ghouls, cannibalism, and werewolfism are prohibited.
- Females shall be drawn realistically without exaggeration of any physical qualities.
The code ran strong for a while but eventually dissolved in the mid-nineties. While Wertham may have eventually come to terms with the comic reader community, he is still largely villified. You can find "Seduction of the Innocent" here. [for those of you browsing on cellphones, the caption above reads, "In ordinary comic books, there are pictures within pictures for children who know how to look".]
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ではまた
 Japan comes out second in suicides/year. That doesn't mean they aren't trying or that people aren't watching.
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HERE IT IS
This is what all the fuss is about. See, everybody is spied on. No privacy anymore. And they fear what the American people will do to them. The National Security Agency has been secretly collecting the phone call records of tens of millions of Americans, using data provided by AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth, people with direct knowledge of the arrangement told USA TODAY.
The NSA program reaches into homes and businesses across the nation by amassing information about the calls of ordinary Americans — most of whom aren't suspected of any crime. This program does not involve the NSA listening to or recording conversations. But the spy agency is using the data to analyze calling patterns in an effort to detect terrorist activity, sources said in separate interviews.
"It's the largest database ever assembled in the world," said one person, who, like the others who agreed to talk about the NSA's activities, declined to be identified by name or affiliation. The agency's goal is "to create a database of every call ever made" within the nation's borders, this person added.
For the customers of these companies, it means that the government has detailed records of calls they made — across town or across the country — to family members, co-workers, business contacts and others. Read it. Our police state. The terrorists have won, haven't they?
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KERRY IS A SON OF A BITCH
I do like Kerry's reply here. But remember when John Edwards brought up Mary Cheney in the Veep debates? Fuuuuuck, that was smooth. He slipped it in and even made it sound sincere! And Cheney's reaction? When you saw it you thought, "Holy shit! He made Darth Vader forget he's a Sith Lord and remember he's a father!" If only for a second. And then Kerry gave it a try. "Speaking of nuclear proliferation, you know Dick Cheney's daughter? Who is a big gay?" He arched an eyebrow and fucking smirked. It was so awkward that you were disappointed. "You mean that was a talking point? The campaign thought that was a good idea? Future Mary Cheney is right! Kerry is a real sonavabitch. This clumsy, tone deaf asshole is our nominee?" Kerry should turn out votes in MA and disappear from the national scene for a good long time. But I'd love to see more of Edwards. That "Two Americas" shit really touched me.
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MISSING TIME
When Scotty Mac said the Secret Service logs " won't show everything," he meant that they were going to leave a lot of shit out. A mere oversight, I'm sure. And limited to just those three instances.
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THE GREAT MIGRATION
I realize that I'm way out of my depth trying to migrate this blog over to the new domain. Help! (Ignore the TypePad stuff there. I'm fine with Blogger.)
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Does anyone remember laughter?
Oh the sound of reality colliding with the dreamworld of the right. Oh Bush zombies, your hangover from eight years drunk with power will truly be earth shattering. The blind bush bots have gotten me half convinced going to the polls in Nov are a waste of time. I voted for W twice and his old man before that and Tom Delay.
The GOP left my congressman out to dry and now they pander to the illegals instead of taxpaying US citizens. From Noobiangod on ROOM TEMPRATURE IQ CENTRAL (Emphasis added) I read Free Republic so you don't have to.
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EPOCHAL NYT HEADLINE
Holy Jeebus.  I plead ignorance, but I'd bet cravenidoru can explain. Paper of record. Dude.
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Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right BA Start
 Apparently, the new Nintendo controller will revolutionize gameplay. In light of this, Ping pays tribute to the classic NES directional controller. Missing references to controller tweaks such as Max and Advantage as well as failed interfaces such as Rock and Roller, UForce, the Arkanoid controller, LaserScope, zapper, Max Pad, and Robotic Operating Buddy (R.O.B.).
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I HAVE MET THE ENEMY
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THIS IS CRAZY
I think that every post related to this administration should be titled, "This is crazy." Because frankly, this is crazy: “He didn’t get the contract,” Jackson continued. “Why should I reward someone who doesn’t like the president, so they can use funds to try to campaign against the president? Logic says they don’t get the contract. That’s the way I believe.”
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Space Colony Art from the 1970s
Resolved: That the United States government should significantly increase space exploration beyond the Earth's mesosphere.
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T UPDATE
Salto Mortale aims to keep people up to date on Mr T news. MORE: Ethan here. Get your T backgrounder here. A wealth of information! And BigD: what was that site you were talking about the other day? EVEN MORE: Someone tries to find the A-Team on Craigslist. 
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WHY I LOVE WORK
Overheard: Isn't David Blaine a magician? Isn't he supposed to do magic? Sitting in a ball isn't magic. I could do that.
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Nick Drake VW Commercial
Every few months, a commotion seems to arise about commodification of underground culture. For recent examples, take Coke's liberation of material from the Winking Circle documentary or a Brooklyn clothier's misguided tribute to bike culture . Unlike these instances, Honda's "Cog" feels like a tasteful homage to the Fischli/Weiss film "The Way Things Go". Time will tell. Nevertheless, few can argue that things are less interesting when the appropriation goes the other way.
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MY SAVIOR HAS X-RAY VISION
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!" - Homer Simpson Why did they do this? Does Jesus really need Superman's reflected glory? If his image needs that much help,* just get a new savior. *Is anyone else creeped out by Jesus doing a Lynndie?
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BREAKING: REPUBLICANS STILL LOVE WHORES
I had this in a comment, but it deserves to be on the main page. The Prez couldn't decide on anyone who isn't balls deep in MZM Watergate whores? I'll have to set up a macro for the word "whores" if they keep this up.
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SAD
No snarky comments for this one, although it would be easy to do so. I just found it very sad, on almost every level.
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7 1/2 POUNDS? IN A BARREL, YOU SAY?
The way things have gone in the past 5 years, you almost can't blame the guy for saying that catching a big fish is his happiest moment. I can honestly say that of all his accomplishments in the past 5 years, that's probably the one that makes me the happiest. BUT...His big catch was likely an extremely small example of the invasive Nile Perch. And it was caught in his well seeded, 17 foot deep man-made lake. Isn't that a little like kissing your sister? [via Hullaballoo]
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Wait till you get to know him.
WHAT A JACKASS!!!!!!It's like Harriet Meirs with a chest full of medals. I bet at least one of those medals is for typing.
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MICHAEL HAYDEN CAN KISS MY BIG WHITE ASS
It goes without saying, of course, that the dude Bush would pick to replace the corrupt and highly partisan CIA big Porter Goss would be equally evil. It's just too much to ask - even with The Decider at 33% - that he pick, y'know, someone who would be good at the job. No, Michael Hayden is evil. Witness: At a public appearance, Bush's pointman in the Office of National Intelligence was asked if the NSA was wiretapping Bush's political enemies. When Hayden dodged the question, the questioner repeated, "No, I asked, are you targeting us and people who politically oppose the Bush government, the Bush administration? Not a fishing net, but are you targeting specifically political opponents of the Bush administration?" Hayden looked at the questioner, and after a silence called on a different questioner. He doesn't even have the common courtesy to lie about it. Fucker. MORE: Well, this is refreshing.
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BUT FIRST, THE WHORES!
Presented without comment, except for my big ol' belly laugh.
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THREE SCENES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER
1: In college, my friend was head of the Taiwanese Chinese Student Society, which always threw great parties. With the exception of the bar staff, these parties were all Asian. At one such party, when I went up to the bar to order some drinks, the bartender looked at me and said, "How did you get a moustache?" (Did I mention that I used to have a 'stache?) Too drunk and happy to even really comprehend the question, I replied, "I got a special permit." It wasn't until a day or two later that I remembered the incident and thought, "What the fuck was that supposed to mean?" 2: I recently got a chance to attend a dinner that honored Ron Takaki. I didn't attend Berkeley, so it was quite a treat for me to hear him speak. Another predominantly Asian event. The man next to me joked, "For tonight, you're Asian." I've been in similar situations many times, so I have an automatic filter that changes my original thought, "Fuck YOU!" into a mindless quip, "I'm Asian every night." 3: After ordering lunch at a local taqueria, the woman behind the counter asked, "What ethnicity are you?" Generally, when a stranger asks you that question, it's an "Ah, fuck. Not again," moment, for a variety of reasons. But I like this woman. She's always very happy, and in fact giggles almost constantly as she speaks to you. So I apprehensively answered her question. She replied, "Oh! I thought so. I'm Chinese and Jewish, but people mistake me for Latino all the time." That, and the ensuing short conversation, blew my mind. To find someone with a similar background, who had had similar experiences, and had actually thought about some of the issues involved? Made my week.
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AH, WHORES
You would think that credible allegations that the Director of Central Intelligence banged hookers on defense contractors' dime might be important. You know, from the perspective of national security. PATRICK KENNEDY HAD A CAR ACCIDENT! You know that the bigs are in the bag when they're reluctant to hype a sex story. Oh man. MORE: I'm sure credit for this will be allocated properly in the post-mortem, but it's worth mentioning that Josh Marshall's TPM Muckraker (with actual investigative work by Paul Kiel and Justin Rood) is at least partially responsible for bringing down the head of the CIA. Kudos, bitches! EVEN MORE: Bob Barr rules. Now I will go and slit my wrists for typing that. A PREDICTION: News division of Washington Post tomorrow reports "GOSS IN WATERGATE HOOKER SCANDAL." Editorial is titled "A Good John."
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AMBIEN AND ME
 So Patrick Kennedy sez that the prescription sleep medication Ambien is what caused him to run his car into a stationary barrier at 2:45 a.m. and tell an officer that he was late for a vote. I'm not sure if it's true (the right lurves their "drunken" Kennedys, btw), but it is at least plausible. I know this because I have had an prescription for Ambien for about a year.* It's a very strange drug. It works wonders on the insomnia -- if you want it to. Pop half an Amb, eight hours later you wake up perfectly refreshed and cheerful. No tossing and turning, etc. But I have an experimental streak in me. When I first got the stuff, I would take a half and not go to bed. That's when the weird shit would start. The first time, I noticed nothing until the next morning, when I saw that I had received two Friendster messages from two people who should not have been writing me. Um, ex-girlfriends. Neither should have written me. But two? On the same morning? How totally bizarre. And creepy. The story sort of writes itself at this point. Yes, they were responding to my message, from the previous night, both of them, where I wrote things in both cases I shouldn't have. Here is the key, though: I had no memory of writing those emails. At all. Zip.I've been reasonably drunk before (trust me), and there is simply no comparison to the amnesia I experienced with Ambien. A great deal of drink can cause time to slip away, but you're usually aware, the next day, that it has slipped away. You're aware that there's something missing. This is not the case with Ambien. After I saw those response emails? With my own words quoted in them? I still didn't believe I had written them. For quite a while. Ambien just smooths out those wrinkles, man. Rough, rough stuff. I don't have any experience with Ambien-induced sleepwalking, sleep-driving, or sleep-eating. But I'm likely to believe those reports based on my experience. I will report, for example, with no shame, that the evening of the day I received my first prescription of Ambien was spent passed out in the (quite nice) grassy backyard of San Francisco's Sony Metreon theater complex. And this is about as much as I'm willing to tell you. *You know Amb is serious meds when yer doc has to write out the prescription on the special prescription form for "junkie" drugs...
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Wanted: Sexy Ladies.
What’s up with the old protestors? Is it just me, or do all the protestors I see leaping out from audience at various BUSHCO appearances look… well… old? What up with that? Did you see the ones who leapt out at Rummy yesterday? I mean I know that kids are DUMB today, and getting dumber thanks to the anti-intellectual, theocracy we seem to be living under, but still. Where are the young protestors? Is X-Box really that compelling? (Yes) Is Jack Bauer really that exciting? (No) Remember the pictures of the 60’s? Since I wasn’t there I have no choice but to recall the documentation. And since you weren’t there, neither do you. And if you were there, you’d be busy now waiting to lunge at Condi Rice from beneath the chafing dish at her thrice daily prayer breakfasts.* But in the 60’s the protests were filled with young people. Hideously dressed, pretentious young people, but young people none the less. I always felt that protests in the 60’s were like Coachella/Orgy/Drug-fueled-orgy kinds of events. But now, it seems like the same people who marched, demonstrated, and threw pies in the face of power then, are the ones who do it today. And no one wants to have a drug fueled orgy with Cindy Sheehan. Today, youth rebellion seems more about scoring weed and listening to terrible rage-rock (Linkin Park, I am staring at you with 10,000 megavolts of eat-shit-and-fall-into-a-terminal-coma-where-you-still-feel-pain eye). And that’s pathetic. I don’t get it at all. Being 30, I am undraftable, but I would expect some of these kids to be worried. After all, Iran is fucking HUGE, we’re gonna need a whole lot more of their pasty corpses if we’re going to stop Iran from … Oh crap, this Xbox game just fell into my hands. Gotta run.
*Only Hobbits eat breakfast more frequently than the Bush peeps.
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HA! TAKE THAT, PAGANS!
I hope that these intelligent design dickheads take the hint and stop trying to turn our kids into superstitious idiots: [Vatican astronomer Guy Consolmagno] described creationism, whose supporters want it taught in schools alongside evolution, as a "kind of paganism" because it harked back to the days of "nature gods" who were responsible for natural events. [via Pharyngula]
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STAB MUCH?
I have no comment on this story. However, I think it's bizarre that this television station has a special graphic for stabbings. How many stabbings does a news department need to report to make that cost effective? Are there this many stabbings in Rhode Island?
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My. Sister. Rules.
This is my sister's blog. It is funny. Read it. Her updates come slowly, but the wit contained in them will delight, even if you are not a direct blood relative of the girl.
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CAR TROUBLES
Drudge reports the possiblity of another Kennedy with car troubles. Since he makes a big deal of the fact that no field sobriety tests were given, complete with his trademark bullshit "source," I would like to point out a recent crime in which a drunkard with a history of bad acts shot a man and evaded authorities for fourteen hours. He has not yet been brought to justice. Where's the outrage?
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REBOUND
Tristero at Hullabulloo speculates: Bush's advisers have almost certainly estimated how low his poll numbers can fall and still ensure that, once the bombs fall, a majority in the US will bounce back to support him. I find the thought of this rebound depressing. We are so fucked. Iran for the midterms. North Korea in '08? Or maybe they'll surprise us and gin up a conflict with someone new. Any brown people you want bombed?
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DURST ON COLBERT
Will Durst, longtime political stand-up, was on the radio this morning, explaining why he didn't like Colbert's performance at the Correspondent's Dinner. While he thought that he was funny and scathing, he was paid to entertain the audience, and he didn't do it. He instead did what comedians call "playing to the back of the room," when a performer places himself above the audience and targets his material to the other comedians in the back of the club. I think that some comedians are funnier when they play to the back of the room, but I don't think that's what Colbert was doing here. First, I don't think a comedian should have to compromise what he or she believes in just to entertain an audience. Look at Bill Hicks. When it came to his art, there was no compromise in that fella (as shown here). Driven by a need to speak what he saw as the truth, he never dumbed down his material, preferring to call an unresponsive audience "sheep" or scream "I'm a drunk cunt!" at a heckler. Look at Paul Mooney. I fucking dare you to tell him to alter his material so as not to offend his audience. Second, is it Colbert's fault that his audience was a bunch of humorless shitnuts? And is it just me, or was his material not as scathing as it seemed on the first viewing? Is it only because our gormless Prez both fucks shit up a lot and also hates being confronted with his fuck ups and taking responsibility for them? (Note to Prez: Bad combo, dude.) If our Prez wasn't a humorless, spiteful, little man, there would be no story here. But he was pissed, and the press corps that still loves to cup his balls was afraid to laugh, so now it's a blistering commentary on the Decider. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it wasn't biting satire. I'm just saying that if he hadn't reacted so poorly, we wouldn't think it was as scathing, and it wouldn't have been a story over as many cycles as it has been and will continue to be. Update: Here's another comedian's take on the subject. Why does it seem like all I do is update old posts? Now that there are more bloggers here, fuck new content. I'm quitting in place on this blog.
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THE BEST KEPT SECRET OF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION
So this is really one of my all time favorite things. Don't be scared. Let not your eyes decieve you. Just listen. The archive goes back over a year, and contains many moments of sidesplitting power. Oh yeah, and I'm the new guy. Hopefully I'm more like Return of the King than Matrix 3. You be the judge.
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ROCKIN' THE CORPS
 Jay Babcock has a chat with Sully Erna of Godsmack, JB: So I notice you guys have been really involved with promoting the military.
SE: Well, they actually came to us, believe it or not. Somebody in the Navy loves this band, because they used ‘Awake’ for three years and then they came to us and re-upped the contract for another three years for ‘Sick of Life.’ So, I don’t know. They just feel like that music, [laughs] someone in that place thinks that the music is very motivating for recruit commercials I guess. And hey, I’m an American boy so it’s not… I’m proud of it.
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DON'T MAKE ME HATE YOU
I hope this isn't true. That would suck. I expect better. Update: The other side of the story. I never doubted you, Howie.
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SALTO EVOLVES
You'll notice that there's much more content here at Salto. That's because we've added BigD to the blogger mix. Introductions will come soon, as well as the long-awaited completion of the righthand "who/what" thing. Keep your eyes peeled for another blogger in the next day or two. I still don't know what he's gonna call himself, so no more information from me. Tace is Latin for candle, etc. Welcome to the juggernaut that is Salto, mf's.
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NO RESPECT FOR IDIOTS
Hoyer, via Digby: "I thought some of it was funny, but I think it got a little rough," Hoyer said. "He is the president of the United States, and he deserves some respect." No, he doesn't. He did in 2001, for about a month or so. But then every law his party put through was a fucking poison pill targeting the midterm elections. And then he turned "We are all Americans," into "We all really fucking hate you Americans." So I think that any respect that he may have deserved by virtue of his position was burned through really goddamn quick.
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YOU'RE TOTALLY NOT KILLING ME, DUDE.
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QIP
There are remarkably few google hits for the term "quit in place." Apparently coined by Pagan Kennedy, the QIP is the wonderfully liberating act of quitting without quitting, doing the bare minimum amount of work necessary to avoid being fired. Depending on your job, it can be remarkably little work at all. The QIP can also involve theft of company time/resources for job search or personal use. Like blogging, for example. Why do I bring this up? No reason. Update:My supervisor just called me the "hardest worker" and the "biggest producer." Putting aside what that says about my shiftless co-workers, what does that say about my QIP? At first, I figured that if she's happy with my output, then everything is peachy. But now I wonder if this means that I'm not really committed to this quit in place? Must I redouble my efforts at slacking off?
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PETEY, MY HEART!
Is dementia caused by atherosclerosis partially to blame for the fucked up state of the Union? Who knows? But I almost like the Veep after reading this: At a roundtable lunch with reporters a couple of years ago, two who were present say, he cut his buffalo steak in bite-size pieces the moment it arrived, then proceeded to salt each side of each piece.
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EASY MONEY
How do I get in on this action? The founding company, MindArk, makes money because all of the tools used by characters in the game have a finite life and need to be repaired.
If a hunter needs to continue using his weapon to make money, he must pay MindArk to repair it. Without having any programming knowledge, creative ability, or good ideas whatsoever, I mean.
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INSIDIOUS
Orcinus on minuteman leader Chris Simcox. He's just like the new immigration push by the right: a thin veneer over a whole shitload of racism.
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REALITY CHECK
Drudge has this to say: FLASH: Colbert averaging just over one million viewers a night, year to date (1,077,000] on COMEDY CENTRAL, which is less than FOXNEWS's 6-11pm line-up... Colbert joins Markos Moulitsas and Jerome Armstrong as the most recent failures on the left. Also, everything is going great in Iraq, there's no global warming, all instances of Republican corruption are overzealous prosecutions hyped by a liberal media, and I have a twelve inch penis.
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CATCHING UP: A REVIEW
Coachella was teh awesome and now I have five days of blogs to read. As I catch up, I'll add stuff here that cannot, in good conscience, be missed. Apologies if this is old news to you.  Make sure you watch these Colbert clips: I think it's safe to say that Colbert has emerged from Jon Stewart's giant shadow. Excellent commentary on Colbert's routine here and here [via Glenn].
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HE'S GONNA BLOW!
Looks like Colbert struck a nerve. If his wife is a CIA agent, they should be worried.
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BLUE AMERICA
This is encouraging. As the post notes, disapproval of Prez Chimpy Decider does not equal Democratic votes. The pessimist in me fears an October Surprise, an electorate with a short attention span, and Republican election tampering.
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ANOTHER CRAZY BLOGGER
This time, in Japan. Inspired by this dude.
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HAPPY LOYALTY DAY!
I've decided to have a quiet Loyalty Day this year. I usually go all out, with a barbeque, red, white, and blue facepaint, Toby Keith albums on a loop. Today, I'm going to contemplate what loyalty means to me. I feel more loyal already.
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