The resignation rocked the Capitol, and especially Foley's GOP colleagues, as lawmakers were rushing to adjourn for at least six weeks. House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) told The Washington Post last night that he had learned this spring of some "contact" between Foley and a 16-year-old page. Boehner said he told House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.), and that Hastert assured him "we're taking care of it."

Boehner later contacted The Post and said he could not remember whether he talked to Hastert.

In the days after 9/11 the panic and hysteria were so thick in the air that people were saying a lot of crazy things. I remember writing a blistering post some time back about Jonathan Alter, who is a good guy, but who lost his mind for a bit after 9/11 and entertained this torture concept in his column. We all remember Alan Dershowitz going on the record early with an argument to make torture legal. I was quite stunned at the time, but I assumed that once the smoke cleared the nation would realize, with some chagrin, that many of the things they felt and believed while the rubble was still fresh was no longer acceptable.

The opposite happened. Our culture, debased by years of ugly rightwing eliminationist rhetoric has gotten worse. It is so much worse that it has abandoned the taboo against torture. There is no other way to read the results of this week.

Some of our leadership did speak out against the abuse of prisoners. Hillary Clinton, in particular, addressed the humane treatment of the captured enemy in explicit terms of fundamental American values. Others did as well. But overall, I think it's pretty clear that speaking out against torture is still something that requires chutzpah --- which means that approving of torture is now the norm. We need to recognize that and form our strategy based on that recognition. We are no longer the country I grew up in.

...I went home–and made the mistake of turning on the television. A half hour later, I was watching a shot of George Bush waving goodbye to a throng of adoring sailors dissolve into a black screen, leading to the chilling voice-over that I did not imagine: "We now return to Friends, already in progress."

It was at that moment that my headaches went away, and I realized that I had woken up in the Soviet Union.

It has become fashionable on the left and in Western Europe to compare the Bush administration to the Nazis. The comparison is not without some superficial merit. In both cases the government is run by a small gang of snickering, stupid thugs whose vision of paradise is full of explosions and beautifully designed prisons. Toss in the desert fatigues motif and the "self-defense" invasion tactic, and there does seem to be a good case.

But it’s way off. It’s wishful thinking. The Reich only lasted 12 years. The Soviets reigned for 75. They were better at it than the Nazis, and we’re better at it than the Russians. Ask anyone who’s lived in a communist country, and he’ll tell you: Modern America is deja vu all over again. And if ever there was a Soviet spectacle, it was Bush’s speech last week.

Think about it. Huge weapons on display, in foreground and background. The leader who has never fought dressed in full military regalia. Crowds of adoring soldiers and "shock worker" types dressed in colorful costumes, carefully arranged for the cameras. A terrible, excruciatingly dull speech, 20 minutes of incoherent, redundant patriotism (Bush used the words "free" or "freedom" 19 times in an 1800-word speech) and chimpanzoid chest-pounding.

On May Day.

That was Red Square every year for about 70 straight years. And now it is a most natural fit in our society.

The genius of the Soviet system–and now the genius of ours–was that it appealed not to the hatreds and passions of its people, but to other, more dependable qualities: laziness, banality, drunkenness, cowardice. It gave you a piece of sausage and a bottle of vodka and asked only that you take a few minutes to cheer some pictures of tanks rolling into Prague. Its leaders (with the exception of Stalin) were a succession of Bush-like plodders who were dumber than your chimney-sweep uncle and could barely speak their own language.

...

The...irresistible instinct toward mediocrity is the same.

So is the fawning sentimentality, and the preposterous fake idealism. In Soviet times, a man who was afraid to speak frankly on any topic in front of his own children and whose neighbor had disappeared two days before was capable of shedding real tears over the plight of the American Negro, a popular Soviet cause for decades. You see the same thing here in the States: no job, no health insurance, fucked for life by the credit bureaus, but swelling with pride over the sight of an Iraqi child with a candy bar.

Modern observers look back at the early Soviet days and wonder how it is that people could possibly have believed those fantastic tales they read about in the state papers–the lurid descriptions of fascist terrorists and wreckers who conspired to poison reservoirs and turn up rails and put broken glass in sausage in the most faraway, seemingly irrelevant places in Siberia and the far north. The answer probably is that they wanted to believe them. Because that was what was in their hearts. It wasn’t a lie that was being put over on them. It came from them.

Few sane people survived those early years to pass on genes to the next generation. The ones who did remained in careful hiding for decades while they waited for the beast to rot from within.

That may be our only hope in the States, because the problem isn’t removing George Bush. It’s the rest of it. This whole thing, all around us, is a package deal. From war all the way back to Friends, already in progress. A monster that mighty doesn’t need a führer.

Rep. Mark Foley, R-Fla., submitted a letter of resignation from Congress on Friday in the wake of questions about e-mails he wrote a former male page, according to a congressional official.

Hours earlier, ABC News had read excerpts of instant messages provided by former male pages who said the congressman, under the AOL Instant Messenger screen name Maf54, made repeated references to sexual organs and acts.

President Bush now has the power to abduct people from around the world and consign them to life in prison and torture them with no opportunity of any kind to prove one's innocence.

Borat often discusses his family members with the people he interviews. Borat's sister, Natalya, is a prostitute (awarded "best sex in mouth" by the Almaty Chamber of Commerce, and rated the "number 4" prostitute in Kazakhstan) and the two of them like to pretend to be "husband and wife." He has a younger brother Bilo who is mentally ill and has a son born with an unusually excessive amount of body hair who travels "in a tent"; and another pubescent brother Vilo, who has grown a moustache since Borat left his home village. Borat states that the former has "small head, but very strong arm," and thus must be kept locked behind a metal door or in a cage. His relationship with his mother seems to be unpleasant, and Borat has commented that "she wishes she was raped by another man." According to the Official Borat Homesite, he also has an 11-year-old son named Biram, who is the father of his two grandchildren. Borat has a pet pig Igor which he claims to love, although he and his family end up eating it (including its eyes).

In one episode, Borat reveals that he suffered a "very bad gypsy attack," in which his wife and plough were stolen and "they touch[ed] [his] horse in [a] very bad way; it was depressed." Borat also claims to have previously worked as a Gypsy catcher, boasting that he can "hit a gypsy with a rock from fifteen metres away if chained—ten if not". Tragically, his first wife was accidentally shot in a field after a hunter mistook her for a bear. Borat was able to cope with the loss of his first wife and he has remarried several times. Still, Borat's exceptional sexual virility has compelled him to maintain extramarital relations with a girlfriend, a mistress, and at least one prostitute (although the latter relationship seems to consist exclusively of dancing). Incestuous relations with his sister, as well as incidents of bestiality with domesticated animals, and accidental homosexuality, have led some to question Borat's sexual ethics.

All the images where he is supposed to be in Kazakstan are actually filmed in Romania. The people, including those who are presented as being his family and friends, are Romanians from poor remote villages. Likewise, the theme song for his documentaries and that can be heard on his Myspace profile is a Romanian song. The person who appeared on MTV Europe Music Awards pretending to be the president of Kazakhstan also spoke Romanian.

...That this claim about "leftist" terrorist groups made it into the NIE summary is particularly significant in light of the torture and detention bill that is likely soon to be enacted into law. That bill defines "enemy combatant" very broadly (and the definition may be even broader by the time it is enacted) and could easily encompass domestic groups perceived by the administration to be supporting a "terrorist agenda."

Similarly, the administration has claimed previously that it eavesdrops on the conversations of Americans only where there is reasonable grounds (as judged by the administration) to believe that one of the parties is affiliated with a terrorist group. Does that include "leftist" groups that use the Internet to organize? This NIE finding gives rise to this critical question: Are "leftist" groups one of the principal targets on the anti-terrorism agenda of the Bush administration, and if so, aren't the implications rather disturbing?

"I've been made very upset about something I read online, and in response I'd like to apply blackface to a portrait and put it up on my blog. Should I?"

"...Women don't come here so often, and they shouldn't eat testicles," says Nancy solemnly.

Thailand's coup leaders have banned go-go dancers from performing for troops on the streets of Bangkok, fearing soldiers may be distracted.

A troupe of scantily-clad women danced for soldiers near the Royal Plaza on Monday, as part of entertainments paid for by a local radio station.

But the coup's leaders - who had earlier told soldiers to keep smiling - have now banned all dancing near tanks.

"We have to maintain the seriousness of the coup," a military spokesman said.

... There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. And then there are just Americans.

... You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Yom Hashoah You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi You have the NAACP. You have BET. If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) ... we'd be racists.

... If we had a White Pride Day ... you would call us racists. If we had White History Month ... we'd be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR lives ... we'd be racists.

1. This is not just lies, but a challenge based on their lies.
2. The challenge is directed at someone who is sure to respond.
3. The challenge is directed at someone who is high profile enough that the response will receive significant media coverage.
4. The truth of the matter is easily demonstrated, and strikes the Republicans at what they condsider to be their strength and our weakness: terrorism & national security.
   

The 9/11 Commission Report contradicts Rice’s claims. On December 4, 1998, for example, the Clinton administration received a President’s Daily Brief entitled “Bin Ladin Preparing to Hijack US Aircraft and Other Attacks.” Here’s how the Clinton administration reacted, according to the 9/11 Commission report:

The same day, [Counterterrorism Czar Richard] Clarke convened a meeting of his CSG [Counterterrorism Security Group] to discuss both the hijacking concern and the antiaircraft missile threat. To address the hijacking warning, the group agreed that New York airports should go to maximum security starting that weekend. They agreed to boost security at other East coast airports. The CIA agreed to distribute versions of the report to the FBI and FAA to pass to the New York Police Department and the airlines. The FAA issued a security directive on December 8, with specific requirements for more intensive air carrier screening of passengers and more oversight of the screening process, at all three New York area airports. [pg. 128-30]

On August 6, 2001, the Bush administration received a President’s Daily Brief entitled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike U.S.” Here’s how the Bush administration reacted, according to the 9/11 Commission report:

[President Bush] did not recall discussing the August 6 report with the Attorney General or whether Rice had done so.[p. 260]

We have found no indication of any further discussion before September 11 among the President and his top advisers of the possibility of a threat of an al Qaeda attack in the United States. DCI Tenet visited President Bush in Crawford, Texas, on August 17 and participated in the PDB briefings of the President between August 31 (after the President had returned to Washington) and September 10. But Tenet does not recall any discussions with the President of the domestic threat during this period. [p. 262]

Folks, we have truly gone from the world's bitch-slappers to the world's bitch-niggaz.

And it all happened so quickly. If you google your way back in time a few years, to that Golden Age between early 2002 and the summer of 2003, you'd find a slew of insane articles describing America as, in the words of Newsweek, "the most powerful country in the history of the world." Or as best-selling historian Niall Ferguson argued, "The most powerful empire the world has ever seen." One winces when reading an article in the Washington Post from a couple of years ago, quoting neocon uberfag William Kristol boasting, "What's the point of being the greatest, most powerful nation in the world and not having an imperial role?" And no one around to smack him with a wet fish. Or a cold tire iron.

...

The kicker here is that not only has Kristol NOT been pulled out of his mansion and had his head shaven by angry Americans, but rather, he speaks their language! This is where, unless you're lying to yourself, anyone who's trying to understand America needs to look. Past Kristol, past the editorial offices and think tanks in coastal America, and into its rank, mean, stupid heart. In a poll released earlier this week, Bush's approval rating has soared--SOARED!-- to 44%, the highest in ages. Even more shocking, Americans no longer believe that the war in Iraq was a mistake. The Bertrand Russell theorem applies to us too: we're getting what we deserve.

When I read that poll this past Monday, I exploded in laughter. The absolute, pure gullibility of the American public is without limit, bottomless...Everyone was asking last week "Why do they hate us?" all over again.

What a silly question! I mean, what's not to hate?! I hate us! We hate us! Anyone in his right mind would hate us!

...

I can't help it, suddenly I find Americans not merely contemptible but also funny as hell, I mean if you imagine them as literary characters. Because even in the world of fiction, you couldn't possibly invent a nation of such grotesque, abject suckers if you tried. For one thing, it wouldn't sell. No one would buy it. If the American public were characters in a novel, no editor would let them pass without massive reworking: "Your American public are simply not believable. They're too stupid and credulous and predictable...not to mention completely unlikable...no reader will identify with them! You can only suspend reader belief so much! Fiction has its limits!"

[Given how pathetic and absent the Democrats have been on issues like torture and warrantless-eavesdropping], it is truly difficult to avoid indifference over the outcome of this upcoming election. But then one ponders what the next two years is likely to bring our country if the Bush administration continues to exercise full-scale, unchecked power over all facets of our government -- a Congress that rubber-stamps a war with Iran (if it is allowed to vote at all); a likely Supreme Court nomination to replace the 86-year-old John Paul Stevens, which would create an executive-power-worshiping majority on the Supreme Court for the next couple of decades; more presidential lawbreaking, and the further entrenchment of one-party rule. And then one realizes that indulging the desire to see the timid, meek, frightened, principle-less Beltway Democrats get what they deserve (still more defeat) is something that our country simply cannot afford if it is to have any hope of avoiding passing the point of no return, where both our national security and our national character are fundamentally degraded in a way that is irreversible.

The "opposition party" is literally missing, silent, mute and invisible. And yet the only hope for reversing or at least halting any of this is to have that same Democratic Party actually somehow win an election and provide some desperately needed gridlock and balance and investigative processes to find out what our government has been doing. That is about as bleak of a picture as one can imagine.

In general, Southerners get a "bum rap" as "haters," Baum explained. "The only thing that makes people in the South quote-haters-unquote is the race issue,"

"We're not pro-white," Baum objected. "Well, I guess one could say that. We don't phrase it like that."

What kind of country has Thailand become?

I was watching BBC
World today. They interviewed a Thai academic who had just begun to
express an opinion critical of the junta. Zap! BBC World was off the
air until the segmant had finished. Clean and clinical censorship --
exactly the way it's done in China today. It's quite ironic, really.
The guy the army deposed, Thaksin, was widely criticized for having
exerted too much control over the Thai media.

What a
difference a day makes. Yesterday, Thailand was a free country -- one
of the two most democractic nations in Southeast Asia. Also the country
in the region with the most democratic "experience." But today? Today
this is what the coup leaders have said, according to the NY Times.

“In
order to avoid problems, the Administrative Reform Council prohibits
political gatherings of more than 5 people,” said Thavinand Krongkrang,
a news anchorwoman on Channel 5, a station owned by the military.
Violators would be jailed 6 months or fined....

The military
also ordered the ministry of telecommunications “to control, stop or
block the distribution of information through all media channels that
might affect the council’s work,” meaning the activities of the junta.

The
coup leaders singled out several groups... urging laborers and farmers
“to remain peaceful, because any gathering or movement right now might
facilitate the work of people with bad intentions to cause disturbance.”

As
for students... “Any of you who has an idea or any opinion, please send
your ideas or suggestions to the army,” a spokesperson said in one of
the televised statements.

There was only light
traffic on the streets of the city. On the sidewalks you might bump
into the occassional soldier. Thai television broadcast some images
which suggested to me that tanks were being postitioned toward the
outer reaches of Bangkok. The Guardian reported today:

Outside
Bangkok's army headquarters, a crowd of around 30 anti-Thaksin
protesters confronted a group of two dozen Thaksin supporters, who were
carrying banners the rival group ripped to shreds. Soldiers quickly
intervened and told the pro-Thaksin group to leave.

In a
separate incident at Democracy Monument - the site of mass
demonstrations against the military regime in the past - an official
from Mr Thaksin's Thai Rak Thai party staged a one-man protest as a
crowd of around 100 people jeered him.

Soldiers later forced the politician, Thawee Krikup, into an unmarked van after allowing him to protest for several hours.

Thai
newspaper the Nation said several senior government officials and
others close to Mr Thaksin had been arrested, with their fates unknown.

Short Answer. Answer three of the following questions. Use Specific examples.
1. How is the Bible’s honesty a good reason to believe what the Bible says?
2. The miracles of the Bible are considered an argument for its credibility. Name one of the miracles in the Bible.
3. How is the unity of the Bible a good reason to believe it?
4. What does it mean to say that the Bible is endorsed by Christ?
5. Explain how the survival of the Bible makes it believable?

The Rude Pundit's answers:
2. Jesus never takes a holy dump.
4. Well, it's sort of like Wilford Brimley endorsing Quaker Oats. There's a man who needs a clean colon. And if we can learn to shit better because an old character actor shows us how, then we can certainly buy the Bible because one of the characters in it says it's a really good book.
5. Wilford Brimley seems to be surviving an awful long time thanks to Quaker Oats. That makes it believable that oatmeal is a means to an end. So if something stays around long enough, it must be valuable, like herpes or Courtney Love.

According to the article to which Michelle linked, the complaint is that the Terrorists "were convicted by a trial riddled with illegalities, like witnesses who were not listened to and evidence that was rejected by the court." Wow -- a trial where the witnesses are not listened to and improper evidence was used. What kind of country would convict someone of terrorism using procedures like that? And what kind of disgusting barbarians would be opposed to having "the International Criminal Court in Geneva," pursuant to an international "human rights convention," demand greater legal protections for terrorists?

"With the controversy comes death threats on a daily basis," O'Reilly said. "Not only from kooks. But the FBI came in and warned me and a few other people at Fox News that al Qaeda had us on a death list. … That's a little disconcerting."

"No," the nurse said, "We don't prescribe the abortion pill here".

"No, wait I'm not asking for the abortion pill. I'm asking for EC!" I say, "It's not the same thing."

"Well, we use the words interchangeably here. Sorry, we don't prescribe it".

The United Nations building still stinks of sulphur, after the "devil" -- President George W. Bush -- addressed the General Assembly, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez told the world on Wednesday.

Chavez' speech to the General Assembly -- a personal attack on President Bush -- was greeted with sustained applause from the United Nations' member states.

Chavez, after calling Bush a devil, said he thinks Bush needs a psychiatrist.

"It has been reported," said Fox, that "your grandfather Felix, whom you were given your middle name for, was Jewish. Could you please tell us whether your forebears include Jews and, if so, at which point Jewish identity might have ended?"

Allen recoiled as if he had been struck. His supporters in the audience booed and hissed. "To be getting into what religion my mother is, I don't think is relevant," Allen said, furiously. "Why is that relevant -- my religion, Jim's religion or the religious beliefs of anyone out there?"

"Honesty, that's all," questioner Fox answered, looking a bit frightened.

"Oh, that's just all? That's just all," the senator mocked, pressing his attack. He directed Fox to "ask questions about issues that really matter to people here in Virginia" and refrain from "making aspersions."

At a closed door meeting of the Armed Services Committee, Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) said that with better intelligence the South would have won the Civil War, today's Roll Call is reporting.

...

According to Roll Call's source, Chambliss said, “We need better intelligence. If we had better intelligence in the Civil War we’d be quoting Jefferson Davis, not Lincoln.”

The favorite channels of the future being The Masturbation Channel and Fox News. The favorite television show being “Ow! My Balls!” and the favorite film being “Ass” (a single shot of a bare ass, which farts every few seconds). The size of a Costco being bigger than a large city. Starbucks being a place where you can get a lot more than a coffee (if you know what I mean, huh huh).

``The Holy Father is very sorry that some passages of his speech may have sounded offensive to the sensibilities of Muslim believers,'' said Vatican Secretary of State Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone in a statement.

You Cum Like a Girl
The feds say a comic’s phrase is too vulgar to trademark, but “cum-furt” is A-OK
 By MARGY ROCHLIN
 Wednesday, September 6, 2006 - 6:00 pm

Like many standup comedians, Cathy Carlson has a signature line in her act: “You cum like a girl.” Though not as suit-and-tie quaint as Rodney Dangerfield’s “I don’t get no respect,” it’s all hers. Or at least she’d like it to be. Carlson has emblazoned her five favorite words in pink letters on tank tops, T-shirts and spanky pants, which she sells at outdoor street fairs and via her Web site (www.youcumlikeagirl.com). Several months before she started the apparel line, she attempted to register her catch phrase with the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO). What she got in return was a resounding NO! and a sizable porn collection on her computer hard drive, compliments of our own federal government.

Carlson discovered the unusual gift of porn one morning two months ago when she found four separate pieces of correspondence from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office in her personal e-mail account. In each were literally dozens of photographs of women covered in ejaculate and no letter of explanation.

...The following day she received a fifth e-mail, which apparently had been sent with the others but somehow got lost in cyberspace. This time, there were only words. Citing Section 2 (a) of the Trademark Act, Carlson’s application to register the phrase “You cum like a girl” had been refused on the grounds of being “scandalous” and “vulgar,” with the phrase’s offending verb defined as a “vulgar slang term for ejaculation at the time of orgasm.” Shanahan provided examples of similar rejections and explained why other attempts to register phrases with “cum” passed muster and Carlson’s didn’t. He also suggested why the word “orgasm” might make a suitable PG-13 replacement. Shanahan did include one small conciliatory detail in the haze of constrained legalese: an expression of discomfort at having to send an avalanche of visual aids — unearthed by way of a Google search — to “illustrate the predominant connotation of the term ‘cum.’”

“He said he knows this is considered distasteful, but he’s sending them anyway,” Carlson remembers. “He could have sent one picture. He sent 10 megabytes.”

...Shanahan’s voice over the phone is matter-of-fact, not defensive, like a schoolteacher having to tutor one more student in his area of expertise. Asked to explain why so many triple-X-rated pages were sent to Carlson, Shanahan frames his answer as a case of USPTO protocol: He has to make his argument as complete as possible in case it goes before the Trademark Trial Appeal Board. “I personally have never sent them in the 15 years I’ve been doing this... I wasn’t happy to do it.”

But why images of women being ejaculated on instead of actually having an orgasm? Shanahan didn’t pause before answering, “I don’t think that really matters. What does that phrase mean otherwise?”

Cao Boi (the 'ol Asian hippie archetype) is discussing why he feels apprehensive about being in an "all-Asian" tribe because he's "never fit in with Asians... because he doesn't fit into the stereotype". Cao Boi proceeds to describe typical Asians in terms of the model minority myth: studious, unassuming, eager-to-please. Here is the problem with the model minority myth in many aspects: it not only divides Asians by constantly establishing a "standard of Asianness" which uses external qualifiers to decide a person's own racial authenticity. Also, Cao Boi assumes that the myth is fact.

We're speculating among ourselves that if the white tribe behaves as it historically has, they will bring along vials of diseases; they will end up oppressing the other groups; they will deny them benefits; deny them their property, steal it from them, and you know, put them on some kind of a benefit program.

We also find out that the White people in the portion of the episode I missed stole a chicken from the Latinos (I think), as well as having one of their own. So, as in history, the White-folk start out with resources privilege by stealing from the brownfolk.

And then they lose the chicken.

The Chicken Thief disdainly says in his voiceover that he stole "the Asian guy's" chicken and "the Black guy" screwed him. And we get that White entitlement thing, too, because the Chicken Thief actually talks about how he feels wronged for being "punished" for stealing from the minorities. You even get a hint of the "damn minorities, all uniting against the poor 'oppressed' Whitefolk" from him as he bemoans his fate spending a night or two from his tribe.

MCKEESPORT, Pa. (AP) -- A woman pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in connection with a bizarre incident in February that resulted in a fake penis being microwaved at a convenience store.

Leslye Creighton, 41, of Wilkinsburg, entered the plea Wednesday, and authorities dropped the same charge against Vincent Bostic, 31, of Pittsburgh, who has agreed to help pay $425 to replace the store's microwave, police and the couple's defense attorney said.

Police in McKeesport, about 10 miles east of Pittsburgh, said the Feb. 23 incident began when Bostic filled a fake penis with his urine that they said Creighton planned to use to pass a drug test to get a job.

The two stopped at a GetGo! convenience store and, after wrapping the device in a paper towel, asked a store clerk to heat it up in a microwave, police said. Authorities said they believe Creighton wanted the device heated so the urine inside would be at body temperature during the drug test.

The clerk, however, believing the lifelike device to be a severed penis, called police.

Defense attorney William Difenderfer said Creighton faces a maximum punishment of $300 and 90 days in jail when she is sentenced Nov. 15 by McKeesport District Judge Doug Reed. Difenderfer called it ''a humorous, but weird, case.''

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez pledged Thursday that Venezuela will support Iran if it is invaded as a result of the Middle Eastern nation's high-stakes nuclear standoff with the United Nations Security Council.

"Iran is under threat; there are plans to invade Iran, hopefully it won't happen, but we are with you," Chavez told Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at a meeting of the Group of 15 developing nations.

...

Chavez said Venezuela stands with Iran in this time of crisis, just as it has with Cuba, where Fidel Castro handed over power to Raul while recovering from intestinal surgery. If they don't defend each other, no one else will, Chavez said.

"Under any scenario we are with you just like we are with Cuba," Chavez said. "If the United States invades Cuba, blood will run... We will not have our arms crossed while bombs are falling in Havana or they carry Raul off in a plane."

"I'm prepared to kick their ass from one end of America to the other....I am so confident of my abilities to address that and to demolish it and to even turn it into a positive."

"Please, you come see my film. If it not success, I will be execute," Borat "reports" of his possible execution at the end of the film's trailer on his website.

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.

Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

...

Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.

...

Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said.

"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.

Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.

...

Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.

"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.