The gunmen came at night to drag Mohammed Halim away from his home, in front of his crying children and his wife begging for mercy.
The 46-year-old schoolteacher tried to reassure his family that he would return safely. But his life was over, he was part-disembowelled and then torn apart with his arms and legs tied to motorbikes, the remains put on display as a warning to others against defying Taliban orders to stop educating girls.
Mr Halim was one of four teachers killed in rapid succession by the Islamists at Ghazni, a strategic point on the routes from Kabul to the south and east which has become the scene of fierce clashes between the Taliban and US and Afghan forces.
...
At the village of Qara Bagh, the family of Mr Halim are distraught and terrified. His cousin, Ahmed Gul, shook his head: "They killed him like an animal. No, no. We do not kill animals like that, it would be haram. They took away a father and a husband, they had no pity. We are all very worried. Please go now, you see those men standing over there? They are watching. It is dangerous for you, and for us."
Bimbo tourist #1: Anyway, so when he pulled it out of me it made this farting noise, and I know it wasn't a fart because it didn't smell, and... It was just really embarrassing.
Bimbo tourist #2: Quip.
Bimbo tourist #1: What?
Bimbo tourist #2: A quip. The farting noise, it's called a 'quip.'
Bimbo tourist #1: Oh, they have a name for it? Wow.
Bimbo tourist #2: Oh, totally. It happens to a lot of people.
Stranger: Um, that's not right.
Bimbo tourist #2: Excuse me, sir?
Stranger: No, it's 'queef.'
Bimbo tourist #2: Wait, what?
Bimbo tourist #1: I think he's saying his name is 'Queef' or something.
Bimbo tourist #2: Oh, sorry. Excuse me, Queef?
Stranger: No... Oh, lord. The sound, it's 'queef.'
Bimbo tourist #2: Who's a 'queef?' What's going on?
Bimbo tourist #1: I think he's one of those crazy subway guys you hear about. I think he's telling us he's gay.
Stranger: I can hear you, and I'm not... What? That's 'queer,' you ingrate!
Bimbo tourist #1: Here's some money for you, sir. Buy your boyfriend a nice grocery cart or something.
Stranger: What?! Does it look like I'm homeless to you? I'm wearing fucking YSL over here... I ain't queer and I ain't homeless. You ignorant, you skinny, Paris Hilton-wannabe whores. All I was saying to you was that when your sleazy-ass friend over here pulled her boyfriend's dick out of her STD-ridden pussy, the word...
Bimbo tourist #1: I'm not following... Is he speaking Cockney or something?
Bimbo tourist #2: I don't know. Are you allowed to mace crazy hobos?
Stranger: ...I'm not fucking crazy!
Bimbo tourist #2: Of course you aren't, sir.
Passenger: Oh, shut your mouth, both of ya, or I'm gonna whoop both your scrawny asses, you hear?
Stranger: Thank you. All I was saying was...
Old lady: Ah, hell no! Can't you see this conversation has gone past anyone in this damn subway's comprehension? Know when to drop it, brother. Know when to drop it.
Bimbo tourist #2: [Mouthing] Oh my god.
Bimbo tourist #1: I know. That was intense.
Stranger, muttering to himself: ... Last time I ever take a subway... Unbelievable shit I put up with... Fucking Civics... Unreliable fuckers...
After the no-bid, cost-plus contract is given to Halliburton, $500 million and four years will give us a fitting tribute to this administration: a gaping hole in the ground.
It must take an incredible sense of entitlement to refuse a request by the U.S. Embassy to leave the country. Despite concerns for their safety, the Bush twins have decided to stay in Argentina. It seems like they could be in real danger, considering how much people hate their family, and how their security is apparently a joke:
Thursday night, an ABC News producer was able to walk into their hotel unchecked and engage Barbara Bush in conversation while she checked her e-mail on a computer in the lobby. Jenna sat talking with friends on a sofa nearby. No Secret Service agents were anywhere to be seen in the lobby, according to ABC News' Joe Goldman.
The twins have likely been in this situation before, and easily saw through the 'security' bullshit. They know they're being asked to leave because they, like their father, are a fucking embarrassment:
Stories of the twins' visit took on wild proportions in the Argentinean press. One tabloid headline had the young women running nude in the hallway of their hotel, a report the hotel staff denied to ABC News.
Faced with this request, the Bush twins reacted just as their father would, with a "fuck you" and a "Who cares what you think?"
LUCKY CHARMS
Of all the possible reasons to get kicked out of school, this one makes for the best anecdote by far. Expelled for politely questioning a fellow student's belief in leprechauns. I would have been much less polite. More laugh-in-your-facey.
When did belief in leprechauns become a religious belief? Are Lucky Charms a sacrament?
Sunday, November 26, 2006
REFOCUS
I know that many Salto readers also read Eschaton (a blog I love) -- but I also know that some do not.
Atrios posted this must-see CNN clip on the state of Iraq. I've provided it here for those who have limited time or interest in the political blog world.
Ignore how conservative media slut Howie Kurtz frames the interview and just listen to what CNN correspondent John Roberts, just back from Iraq, has to say.
The elections are over and one real issue remains: getting us the fuck OUT of Iraq.
When someone asks if they are getting the children on video, the reply is, "I'm gettin' 'em, sir." Is the soldier laughing at thirsty children an officer?
A California couple who want to bring about world peace are calling for a synchronized global orgasm on December 22, 2006. Everybody is supposed to have an orgasm and think about peace:
''The orgasm gives out an incredible feeling of peace during it and after it,'' Reffell said Sunday. ''Your mind is like a blank. It's like a meditative state. And mass meditations have been shown to make a change.''
...
The couple have studied evolutionary psychology and believe that war is mainly an outgrowth of men trying to impress potential mates, a case of ''my missile is bigger than your missile,'' as Reffell put it.
By promoting what they hope to be a synchronized global orgasm, they hope to get people to channel their sexual energy into something more positive.
Richards, who played the wacky Cosmo Kramer on the hit TV show "Seinfeld," appeared onstage at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood. Kyle Doss, an African-American, told TMZ he and some friends were in the cheap seats and he was playfully heckling Richards when suddenly, the comedian lost it.
The camera started rolling just as Richards began his attack, screaming at one of the men, "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f***ing fork up your ass."
Richards continued, "You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now motherf**ker. Throw his ass out. He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger!"
The crowd is visibly and audibly confused and upset. Richards responds by saying, "They're going to arrest me for calling a black man a nigger."
One of the men who was the object of Richard's tirade was outraged, shouting back "That's un-f***ing called for, ain't necessary."
After the three-minute tirade, it appears the majority of the audience members got up and left in disgust.
Pretty fucking weird. It kind of ruins Seinfeld for me.
Things got worse when I heard the story of my friend Lydia, whose boyfriend’s Asiaphilic tendencies didn’t reveal themselves for months. By the end of the relationship, the guy had become an East Asian Studies/Chinese language double major, and never missed a chance to converse with her family in their native Mandarin. When she wasn’t around, he’d call her father to go out for Chinese food.
... instead of like this:
There was the 20-year-old UCI economics major who swears that Asian women’s vaginas “feel different somehow—very smooth and naturally lubricated.” Or the guy who sauntered up to me and asked, “You must be great with a chopstick, huh?”
On MensActivism.com (a “Men’s Rights and Activism” website), “John” went further, comparing “Yellow Fever” to Mein Kampf (bringing the number of Nazi comparisons to three).
Don't appropriate my little slice of 80s culture for your bullshit wartalk.
Also, fuck you and your plans. We've lost and it's time to get out. Period.
Buzz
Matt Taibbi runs into Tom Vilsack's buzz in a public bathroom. From their encounter:
He handed me a Washington Post clip with the relevant quote. The headline of the story was 'Tom Vilsack's Democratic Optimism.' " I frowned again.
"I thought Al Gore already tried 'Democratic Optimism,' " I said.
"No, no, that was Kerry-Edwards," he said. "And that was just plain 'optimism.' They were reacting to Bush's 'pessimism never created a job' ad. Our thing is completely different. This is Democratic Optimism. Completely different."
I read the interview quickly.
"And this line here," I said, pointing. "This line where he says he's going to 'talk about health care, education and security from a values perspective.' What the fuck does that even mean? How do you 'talk about national security from a values perspective?' That's not even English!"
"Well, that just means that when we talk about security, we're doing it in the context of values -- and values are central to Democratic Party ideals," Vilsack's buzz said nervously. "If we Democrats can talk about values, we're going to win a lot of elections."
The 2008 Presidential race is going to be long. And painful.
Friday, November 17, 2006
ALL TALK
I'm ashamed. I was just given an opportunity to confront racism, and did absolutely nothing. Just typing that sentence gnaws at me. So, for the small group of people that read the internets, here is my confession and my lame rationalizations.
At my shitty, windowless job, we've been using our professional degrees to type lists of employee names into spreadsheets. I don't really mind. It's about as useful as anything else they pay us to do. One guy complained to another about how much harder it was to type these "weird names" than it was to type "regular American names." The other guy agreed, saying it was "... like on the SATs or something, when they start the question with, 'Patel has six apples.' It just throws you off, y'know?"
That's it. No racial epithets. No burning crosses. No hate-driven violence. Just your typical, everyday, fucking privileged white asshole, ignorant bigotry. That's the first of my rationalizations, that it wasn't that bad. It was "just" ignorance.
Also, We're a small group of temps, working in a small space. A confrontation would make the remainder of the project uncomfortable. And in a couple of weeks, I'll never see these pricks again.
Mainly, I don't really like these people. I don't feel like talking to them or making them less ignorant in any way. One of them had already shown his prejudice when discussing the "30 Days" episode that featured a man who had legally immigrated from Cuba as a child and now lived in a large house with his white wife. This guy speculated loudly that the man must have married rich, assuming I suppose that a Cuban man couldn't earn enough money to live as they did, despite being raised in the US since infancy. Earning his sexist cred, he also proclaimed the wife, who barely appeared on the episode, to be a shrew because he "knew her type" and had "seen women like her before."
The real reason for my silence? Cowardice. And because it was easier to hate them in silence and not say anything.
In the future, when these dicks offend someone else with their David Brent/Michael Scott obliviousness, or pass over for promotion a woman or person of color, then I will be partially responsible, in some perhaps not insignificant way.
I feel like a fucking asshole. But only because I am a fucking asshole.
I've enjoyed much of this race, especially the people I've met...even you! I see your deficits--not all of them, and your potential--but not all of it. Only your Creator knows the real potential He's put in you. Get to know Him and know yourself...you'll be more interesting even to you!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
cat thursday
HERE'S A TEST
If this is national news in the next week, YouTube has arrived.
"White rednecks" who "didn't show up to vote for us" partly cost GOPers their cong. majorities, Rep. Adam Putnam (R-FL) told fellow Republicans today. And Putnam, seeking the post of GOP conference chair, chided ex-Chair J.C. Watts (R-OK) for ruining the conference's ability to serve its members.
It is fucking awesome what will pop out of a Republican's mouth when he's surrounded by other Republicans, also called the "Macaca" effect.
Republicans get political existentialism. When they campaign for office, they promise to be uniters, not dividers. Once they win an election, however, talk of bipartisanship promptly sails out the window. They freeze out the Democrats, elected representatives and constituents alike. Rather than compromise to accommodate the millions who voted against them, Republicans play to their right-wing base: racists and Christianists. The GOP belligerently promotes the most extremist items on its legislative wish list by declaring their victory to be a broad manifesto for radical change and wholesale rejection of the other side. They nominate judges whose conservatism is far to the right of the average Republican. Sure, they want to unite the country--by forcing everyone to go along with what they want. ...
Cheney and Bush understood that they might only have one four-year term to accomplish their goals. Knowing that they might never get another chance, they insulated themselves with a staff of likeminded ideologues and got to work at remaking America in their image. Drawing on bluster and hubris, they bullied Democrats into going along with the transfer of the federal tax burden from the rich to the middle class. Next they skillfully exploited Americans' fear and anger following the September 11th attacks to attack Afghanistan and Iraq. By 2004 they had eliminated civil liberties that citizens of Western countries had enjoyed for hundreds of years, emasculating Congress and the Courts to create a "unified executive" form of government.
Most of the changes carried out by Bush's neoconservatives during his first term--new tax rates, USA-Patriot Act, two wars, pulling out of the Geneva Conventions, torture, domestic eavesdropping--will probably remain in force for decades. Their strategy of running roughshod over the Democrats worked.
Rall then argues that the Dems ought to adopt this style of governing as well:
It's high time for vengeance. Impeachment is essential, to cleanse our national soul, as a downpayment of good will toward the rest of the world, and because they did it to Clinton for far, far less. And we need investigations--lots of them. Special prosecutors ought to track down everyone, up to and including Bush, who lied about WMDs in Iraq, chose not to pursue Osama in Pakistan after 9/11, deliberately withheld help that could have saved lives during the Hurricane Katrina, and signed off on warrantless wiretapping of American citizens. Law and order starts at the top.
At the same time, Dems ought to ram through such long overdue (and popular) liberal agenda items as national health insurance, pulling out of the failed NAFTA accord and a big hike in the minimum wage. If any Republicans object, do what they'd do: call them terrorists or traitors or some other smear that forces them to sit down, shut up, and vote yes.
Of course, there's an alternative. Bill Clinton wasted his entire political career placing short-term victory at the polls over achieving his political goals. Sucking up to moderates and Republicans got him eight years in the White House, but for what? He never signed a major bill that could be described as liberal.
If they govern like there's no tomorrow, Democratic lawmakers will be able to say that they represented their constituents, who will have gotten what they voted for. That's how democracy is supposed to work. Remember?
I don't know if I totally agree, but it is a nice daydream to imagine sticking it to the Republicans like they have been sticking it to us.
My Half-Year of Hell With Christian Fundamentalists
"When I got out of the plane in Greensboro in the US state of North Carolina, I would never have expected my host family to welcome me at the airport, wielding a Bible, and saying, 'Child, our Lord sent you half-way around the world to bring you to us.' At that moment I just wanted to turn round and run back to the plane.
Things began to go wrong as soon as I arrived in my new home in Winston-Salem, where I was to spend my year abroad. For example, every Monday my host family would gather around the kitchen table to talk about sex. My host parents hadn't had sex for the last 17 years because -- so they told me -- they were devoting their lives to God. They also wanted to know whether I drank alcohol. I admitted that I liked beer and wine. They told me I had the devil in my heart.
However, I feel that he really missed an opportunity here:
Then, seeing as we were already on the topic of God's will, the religious zealots finally brought up a subject which had clearly been on their minds for a long time: They wanted me to help them set up a Fundamentalist Baptist church in my home country of Poland. It was God's will, they said. They tried to slip the topic casually into conversation, but it really shocked me -- I realized that was the only reason they had welcomed me into their family. They had already started construction work in Krakow -- I was to help them with translations and with spreading their faith via the media.
I would have jumped at the chance to "translate" their materials.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
SAVING AFFIRMATIVE ACTION
This may be the case that saves affirmative action. Whites may be getting admitted to universities instead of more qualified Asian applicants:
Mr. Li appealed, citing a white high-school classmate admitted to Princeton despite lower test scores and grades. The office notified him late last month that it would look into the case.
If affirmative action now benefits good, god-fearing white folks over dirty brown people, with their funny talk and strange rituals, will it become a cause célèbre on the Right? Will Michelle Malkin shriek like a banshee? More than usual, I mean.
Perhaps the proper question, also asked in the article, is "... is the country more racist or more sexist?" But that's probably just the pessimist in me. As the article notes:
Today, they may have reasons to be optimistic. Poll numbers for Clinton and Obama are among the strongest of any presidential hopefuls. It now seems nearly as common for political leaders in television shows and movies to be women or racial minorities as white men. Recent polls have found that the percentages of Americans who say they would not vote for a hypothetical black or female presidential candidate, long formidable, have dwindled into the single digits.
I have my doubts, fueled by scientifically sound anecdotal evidence. Disturbingly, I've had Democrat friends tell me that they will vote Republican before they vote for a woman for president. No one has had the balls to tell me that they'd never vote for a person of color.
Any thoughts from the collective Salto-brain? Will our next president be a woman or a person of color? Or is this milestone still a decade away? Which will happen first? And are openly sexist Democrats hypocritical pigs, or hypocritical assholes?
With all the hubbub over the past few days about the Democrats' electoral victory, I didn't realize until today that for the first time a self-described socialist was elected to the US Senate.
Meanwhile Mike Golding, the leading Brit in the race, was also in a good mood this morning despite an incident with a giant squid, which has covered his hull and the lower part of his sails in ink. Mike Golding commented: "The decks and even the foot of the head sail were covered in what looks like squid ink and there's an awful lot of it. It looks like it was shot from ahead. Whatever it was, it was pretty big, but I'm not worried - I'm bigger!"
The point here is that our collective humanity, our national conscience, our individual sense of ourselves as citizens, demands that we declare criminals to be criminals, and that they be punished accordingly.
First, justice. Then we can talk about bipartisanship, on our terms. No more appeasement.
Ethan and I were wondering how big a Democratic win would be necessary for the press to rediscover their collective testes-satchel. Looks like we've reached that threshold:
Only now, after most races have been called and it's clear that the Democrats will take power, only now do they report on that which they had suppressed throughout the campaign. Now we get articles detailing the Democrat's tax plan. Now we get articles on the minimum wage and the effect of a Democratic house on industry. Now we get articles about how Democrats stand for a balanced budget. Now the talking heads report breathlessly on the 100 hour agenda, on how Democrats will affect the middle class, and how Democrats will try to fix healthcare.
Following a grand send-off from his Kazakh village, Borat made the long journey to the US and A to begin work on the documentary. He was accompanied by his obese and ineffectual producer, Azamat Bagatov. Comments Azamat: “I got involved in this project because I am very experienced in industry of film and television – in fact during last 20 years I have personally watched 27 programs. I also got job because I am only producer in Kazakhstan.” Borat traveled to the U.S. in style—Azamat, not so much. “We fly Kazakh Airways,” Borat recalls. “Azamat go in hold, with luggage, animals and Jews – I travel first classes – which meant that when toilet box was passed around, I was the sixth person to make my ‘dirty’ in it.”
No expense was spared to bring the film to the big-screen. “This documentary was most expensive film ever made for Kazakhstan,” says the intrepid reporter. “It cost 48 million tenge – this equivalent to 5000 US dollar. Ministry of Information supplement budget by selling uranium to some brown men.”
[...]
“We too have cars in Kazakhstan,” he notes. “They now very modern –some of them reach top speeds of up to 120 miles per week! Also, they better than western cars, because when engine get old you can eat it. I was interest to see if America cars were as fancypants.
“I was very nervous about sitting alone in a car with my drive instructor,” Borat continues. “In my country only time two men ride together in car, is when they journey to the edge of town to make bang bang in anoos.”
[...]
In Birmingham, Alabama, Borat paid a visit to a dinner party, where he hoped to learn the fine art of dining etiquette. The Southern hospitality didn’t stop there. “While were in the South, we passed by a group of soldiers making re-enacting of the Americans Civil Wars. It very similar to the Kazakh re-enactment of the Tishniek Massacre, which we do every year by traveling to the town Tishniek and massacring them. Why not?”
[...]
But Borat warns American audiences they’re in store for more than a few jolts. “I hope you Americans see my movie, but please be warn that since it contain foul cursings, needless violence and a close-up of a man’s bishkek, it have been given most strict certificate in Kazakhstan, meaning no one under age of 3 will be able to see it.
“Also this film have been very controversial in my country because of amount of anti-Semitisms in it – however, eventually our Censor decide there was enough and allow its release.”
Second, amazing:
At many locations, the production’s guerilla-style, hit-and-run filmmaking attracted the interest of various law enforcement officials.
In New York, for example, a warrant was issued for Baron Cohen’s arrest. He also narrowly escaped incarceration while filming a segment at a local hotel. (Earlier, Baron Cohen had been advised to leave the state.)
Monica Levinson and unit production manager/first assistant director Dale Stern didn’t fare as well – they were arrested by New York’s Finest. The production had borrowed from a local hotel, a phone, alarm clock, and comforter – all of which were going to be used as props. Even though the filmmakers had a location agreement and a five million dollar insurance policy for lost or stolen goods, New York City police went ahead with the arrests. Later, as Levinson and the crew member were being questioned, she saw Stern eating a copy of a sheet listing the names and phone numbers of the film’s crew – to protect them from legal action. (The two arrests were later expunged.)
“Monica’s night in jail raised the bar for a filmmaker sacrificing for his or her art,” says Jay Roach.
Another time, twelve police cars surrounded the ice cream truck in which Borat makes much of his cross-country trek. The authorities hoped to find and interrogate Baron Cohen, only to discover that he had again made a narrow escape, this time in another crew vehicle.
The FBI often followed the filmmakers, whom the residents of several locales suspected of being terrorists. In the nation’s capital, the Secret Service questioned the filmmakers outside the White House, and at a Louisiana location, state troopers investigated the strange group ostensibly making a documentary. Again, Baron Cohen’s determination to stay in character – even while facing Secret Service and state police questioning – was impressive. “He never let on that this wasn’t ‘real,’” says Larry Charles.
Third, I don't know what the fuck to call this:
The Times wrote a piece entitled “Ali G Creator is in fact Leading Civil Rights Scholar,” which examined how Baron Cohen made a pilgrimage to the birthplace of Martin Luther King while doing research for his dissertation in Cambridge. Entitled “ A Case of Mistaking Identities – the Jewish Black Alliance,” the thesis examines the nature of cooperation between the African-American and Jewish communities and suggests ways of how to improve relations in the current day. His professor describes it as a major work of importance on the civil rights movement and is suggested reading for history students in Cambridge.
Norquist predicted that Bush would now govern largely through executive orders rather than working with Congress on legislation. The president could, for example, use orders to lighten the load of capital gains taxes by changing how they are calculated, Norquist said. One other possible executive order, he said, could excite conservative voters in time for the 2008 election: putting the late President Reagan on the $50 or $100 bill.
They're doing their damnedest to make sure most Americans never see a $100 bill. But evangelical conservatives are excited about a lot of things they'll never see, so it'll probably work.
BigD wins
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
BIG DAY FOR THE KKK
The KKK and their ally, Ward Connerly, got their anti-affirmative action measure passed in Michigan, 58% - 42%.
Will Connerly be attending their victory party?
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL
For fans of The Office, primarily, but don't let that put you off if you're unfamiliar.
Man named Pro-Life seeks governorship in Idaho Wednesday, November 1, 2006; 6:54 PM
BOISE, Idaho (Reuters) - The Idaho gubernatorial candidate formerly known as Marvin Richardson is so strongly opposed to abortion that he has changed his name to Pro-Life.
"I'm the most conservative politician in Idaho," the candidate said in a Western U.S. state known as a conservative bedrock. "When sperm meets egg, that's a new person."
[...]
He also has campaigned in his own distinct way. During a candidates' debate at one point the longshot candidate avoided a question and instead began to pray.
CHAT
D: i can't fucking stand it
me: you want to be watching msnbc at home?
D: keep refreshing several pages waiting for any sort of result
me: yeah i heard that on lehrer just now i luvs me some lehrer newshour on the radio
D: mydd - ky-03 to dems? this is torture
me: i guess the key question for the country is this: will the dem majority in the house be impressive enough to trigger enough media piling-on to force bush to stop fucking up i think it's gotta be 30+ for that to have a chance of happening and may require taking senate too if both bodies flip the media will really start pummeling bush
D: agree but if hearings/investigations start unearthing all the real evil shit, hopefully that will do it as well
me: this vote suppression stuff is pretty fucked up there will be people going to jail after this i don't know how they can't know that even if the dems blow it
D: they're counting on presidential pardons
me: this is really the test of our democracy do they have the nuts to start fucking with the dems taking over a house of congress cuz that's really it, y'know it's over ...and i'm paranoid ...but with good reason
D: i have a feeling they're going to steal it they've already put out the 'don't trust exit polls' press release 04 set the stage for disbelief of exit polls
me: another question: "how far will they go?" and the answer, from everything we've seen, is "pretty fucking far"
D: despite disparity of exit polls and election results being a sign of stolen elections everywhere else in the world
With their [impostor 50s Captain America and his sidekick, impostor Bucky] help, the Empire is able to get a foothold in Congress, and they proceed to pass legislation aimed at curtailing civil rights and protecting white privilege. Needless to say, their slow march towards totalitarianism meets with opposition from many quarters, but, when 50s Cap meets with a failed assasination attempt (staged by the Secret Empire, albeit unbeknownst to him) while attempting to halt a protest march, rioting erupts across the nation, resulting in the declaration of open-ended martial law. The result is an America of gun turrets and walled ghettos, policed by thugs wearing uniforms festooned with Cap’s proud letter “A” and mildly silly wings–in order, of course, to honor the principles for which he was so greivously wounded. This is the version of the US that the real Cap awakens to when he’s discovered and thawed out, finally, by the crew of a Navy submarine, a diverse lot disgusted by what’s happened to America.
Confronted with a right wing, totalitarian United States, the real Captain blows a gasket and kicks some ass. Following a battle with the faux (FOX?) Captain, our Cappy gives a rousing speech to a stadium of rabid conservatives:
Listen to me - All of you out there! You were told by this man - your hero - that America is the greatest country in the world! He told you that Americans were the greatest people - that America could be refined like silver, could have the impurities hammered out of it, and shine more brightly! He went on about how precious America was - how you needed to make sure it remained great! And he told you anything was justified to preserve that great treasure, that pearl of great price that is America!
Well, I say America is nothing! Without its ideals - its commitment to the freedom of all men, America is a piece of trash! A nation is nothing! A flag is a piece of cloth!!
I fought Adolf Hitler not because America was great, but because it was fragile! I knew that liberty could as easily be snuffed out here as in Nazi Germany! As a people, we were no different from them!
When I returned, I saw that you nearly did turn America into nothing! And the only reason you're not less than nothing is that it's still possible for you too [sic] bring freedom back to America!
Note that Captain America is no yellow dog Democrat. If Democrats were as bad for America as the Republicans have proven themselves to be for the past six to twelve years, he'd kick our asses too. So it's perhaps too strong to say that the Captain is a Democrat. But if he were headed to the polls today, he'd certainly vote Democratic.
When you vote today, remember that Captain America would appreciate it if you brought freedom back to America.
Besides voting (more than once if possible), your job today is to educate yourself about modern voting fraud and voter suppression. TPM is a good place for this.
Like everybody else, I don't know what's going to happen today, but this election has already illuminated one critical truth: The modern GOP -- or, more specifically, the Axis of '70s Campus Republicans running it -- really is just a criminal enterprise disguised as a political party.
Dirty tricks, large and small, are a sorry fact of life in American politics, but what the Republicans have done over the past few weeks -- the surrealist attack ads, the forged endorsements, the midnight robo calls, the arrest threats, the voter misinformation (did you know your polling station has been moved?) -- is sui generis, at least at the national level.
Even Dick Nixon never tried anything like this on such a grand scale -- although, of course, he also didn't have the technology. The only thing we haven't seen yet is a break in at DNC headquarters. And if the Rovians thought they could get anything out of it that would be useful in this election (nobody else has) we'd probably be reading about that, too.
It's always possible to point to Democratic/liberal offenses, but at this point the comparisons look pretty silly: some downed yard signs here, a few crooked and/or stoned ACORN canvassers there. Not even in the same universe, much less the same ball park.
Couple the GOP's rat-fucking campaign with all the other stuff we already know about -- the collectivized bribery of the K Street Project, the Abramoff casino extortion ring, the Defense and CIA appropriation scams, the Iraq War contracting scams, the Pacific Island sex trade protection racket, the church pulpits doubling as ward halls, the illegal wiretapping, the lies, perjury and obstruction of justice in the Plame case (I really could go on like this all day) -- and it's clear that what we need most isn't a new Congress but a new RICO prosecution, with lots of defendents and unindicted co-conspirators.
There's probably not much that can be done on that score, even if the Dems take both houses of Congress today. Oversight hearings and subpoenas to appear are all well and good, but what we really need to see is a heap of good old-fashioned law enforcement. I want to see the Rovians testifying in courtrooms, not hearing rooms.
If, by some fluke, the Democrats were to recapture the White House, they would be well advised to go after the Rovian machine in roughly the same manner that the Russian government went after the old Communist Party after the failed '91 coup. Personally, if it were up to me, I would declare the GOP an illegal organization (as the CPUSSR was) and let honest Republicans go regroup under a new, hopefully non-criminalized brand name -- like, say, the Detox Party.
That, of course, will never happen, but if the Dems don't turn the full weight of the FBI, the DoJ and the IRS loose on the Rovians the very first chance they get, they'll just be asking for it. The Octopus will have it tentacles wrapped around throats again so fast it will make their tiny little brains pop.
And next time, they might not be so easy to peel off.
My phone has been offline for about a week, so if you've been expecting a call, that's why the delay.
I expect it'll be back up later this week.
THE PREDICTIONS CONTEST
Everyone can play! Readers, leave your predictions in comments.
ethan: +22 House, +5 Senate.
bigd: +23 House, +4 Senate.
jps3: +23 House, +3 Senate.
monster:
what is the measure of success? can i request an overestimate=disqualification rule like price is right? if not that, is it just root mean squared error:
Federal officials are investigating whether Smartmatic, owner of Oakland, Calif.-based Sequoia Voting Systems, is secretly controlled by Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, according to two people familiar with the probe.
...
Concerns about Smartmatic are keen on the eve of the Nov. 7 election, given fears that someone with unauthorized access to the electronic system could create electoral chaos. Some critics believe that if the Venezuelan government is involved, Smartmatic could be a ''Trojan horse'' designed to advance Chavez's anti-American agenda.
And who better to advance Chavez's anti-American agenda than the traitors in the Democratic Party? Expect a landslide...
A Delaware judge on Friday ordered a man who twice exposed himself to a 10-year-old girl at his workplace to wear a T-shirt with the words: "I am a registered sex offender" in bold letters, a prosecutor said.
Russell Teeter, 69, who pleaded guilty to two counts of indecent exposure, also was sentenced to 60 days in jail by Superior Court Judge Jan Jurden in Wilmington.
Deputy Attorney General Donald Roberts said he requested the unusual T-shirt punishment because he was concerned about Teeter exposing himself to children at the gardening business he runs with his wife.
"This is a unique way to let his customers know that he is a sex offender," Roberts told Reuters.
Naked man arrested for concealed weapon Sat Nov 4, 12:41 AM ET
EL CERRITO, Calif. - A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.
The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.
John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.
"You can't get much more concealed than that," Horgan said.
Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.
Connerly said, “If the Ku Klux Klan thinks that equality is right, God bless them. Thank them for finally reaching the point where logic and reason are being applied, instead of hate.”
Ward Connerly is a joke. I hope "God bless and thank the Ku Klux Klan" hounds him until the end of this public career.
Friday, November 03, 2006
"I know what you did last night"
Here's a clip of the closeted gay meth smoker Ted Haggard, talking about homosexuality:
There was a very vocal fellow on my train car this evening. At first, he was trying to engage a black man sitting across from him in conversation -- which consisted almost entirely of his praising the large asses of black women, proclaiming how nice it was to have a black ass sitting on one's face, and explaining how white women wish they had asses that could compare with those of black women. People all over the subway car were shaking their heads sadly (or having sudden fits of uncontrollable laughter) and exchanging what-is-with-that-guy glances. It's nice how nutjobs bring people together.
Anyway, the man that the nutjob was trying to talk to got off the train, at which point our admirer of black asses simply began delivering his thoughts in monologue form to the subway car at large. I soon decided that his remarks should be transcribed:
Yeah...black lovin'. That's what I'm talking about.
I'm Puerto Rican.
The white girls, they jealous. They ain't got no kind of ass.
I could take a black girl like you, take your big ass and put it on my face and just let it stay there. If you don't like it, fuck you. Jealous. That's all they are. Jealous. These white women wish they could have a Puerto Rican guy suck their ass.
I was once on a full streetcar with a crazy fat guy who loudly proclaimed his hatred of homosexuals. One man called him disgusting and changed cars. Then a group of kids ripped into him. "If you hate gays so much, why the fuck do you live in San Francisco, dipshit?" They actually shamed him into leaving the train. It restored my faith in humanity, briefly.
There will be virtually nothing left to fish from the seas by the middle of the century if current trends continue, according to a major scientific study.
Stocks have collapsed in nearly one-third of sea fisheries, and the rate of decline is accelerating.
[...]
Catch records from the open sea give a picture of declining fish stocks.
In 2003, 29% of open sea fisheries were in a state of collapse, defined as a decline to less than 10% of their original yield.
Bigger vessels, better nets, and new technology for spotting fish are not bringing the world's fleets bigger returns - in fact, the global catch fell by 13% between 1994 and 2003.
If Americans knew the full extent of U.S. criminal conduct, they would receive returning Iraqi veterans as they did Vietnam veterans, Hersh said.
“In Vietnam, our soldiers came back and they were reviled as baby killers, in shame and humiliation,” he said. “It isn’t happening now, but I will tell you – there has never been an [American] army as violent and murderous as our army has been in Iraq.”
Coming from the guy that broke the My Lai massacre story, I'll take his word on it.
He goes on:
“In Washington, you can’t expect any rationality. I don’t know if [Bush is] in Iraq because God told him to, because his father didn’t do it, or because it’s the next step in his 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous program.”
That would be kind of a funny quip if it wasn't so tragic.
The Snowblower Problem
" We introduce the snowblower problem (SBP), a new optimization problem that is closely related to milling problems and to some material-handling problems. The objective in the SBP is to compute a short tour for the snowblower to follow to remove all the snow from a domain (driveway, sidewalk, etc.). When a snowblower passes over each region along the tour, it displaces snow into a nearby region. The constraint is that if the snow is piled too high, then the snowblower cannot clear the pile."
But, just this morning those smiles had faded and it got real heated on the set when Elizabitch Hasselbeck and Joy Behar had it out over the war in Iraq.
The two came to blows in a very "spirited" discussion about George W. Bush, John Kerry and IQs.
The highlight was when Behar just implied that Hasselbeck should send her husband and children to war if she loves the war so much!!
AN OBSERVATION
John Kerry was apparently unable to tell a (dumb) joke and he therefore has committed an unpardonable sin and must apologize to all of the troops who now hate him.
Except the military actually really hates the Bush. And the Rumsfeld. And the Republicans.