As far as I can tell (and I'm good at this, trust me), there are no nude photos of Sarah Palin on the internets.

Which is to say that I don't have pictures of Sarah Palin naked or Sarah Palin nude, or even Sarah Palin semi-nude. For that matter, I don't have pictures of Sarah Palin with no clothes on or Sarah Palin undressed or Sarah Palin in a three-way with Barbara Bush (the elder) and the wizened corpse of Phyllis Schlafly. Let me be entirely clear: you will certainly not find nude pictures of Sarah Palin here, or Sarah Palin nude, for that matter. "But what about Sarah Palin in a low-cut skirt?" you ask, gently. I have no need to lie. You could scour this site for hours and find no pictures of Sarah Palin nude, or Sarah Palin in a mild state of disheveled undress, or even Sarah Palin giving someone a smoky look. Nothing like that around here. Nada. Zip.

"But, um..."

No. Seriously. Nothing.

"Nothing?"

Well, not nothing. There's a photoshopped pic of Sarah Palin in a bikini here, but that's just silly.

Yeah. No nude or naked Sarah Palin. Nothing even remotely like that at this establishment, mister. You want to see Sarah Palin nude, you weirdo? Go somewhere else. Because you will not see nude photos (or, in any other format! like, um, .jpg, or .gif, or .bmp, etc.) of Sarah Palin here, with her VPILFy awesomeness all hangin' out, sexin' you up through the monitor, even though you're seriously desperate for a little Palin luvvin.

And I'm clearly not like these people, or these people, who are just google hit-whoring. Not at all.

And (finally!), I definitely have not done this before.