1. Obama wins. [CHECK!]

2. Obama wins with 350+ EV. [CHECK!]

3. Obama beats McCain in Arizona. [FAIL. But Obama got the margin under 10%.]

4. Obama wins one or more Southern (or, you know, "racist") states -- Virginia, North Carolina, West Virginia, Georgia, Arkansas. [CHECK! That would be VA and NC.]

5. Al Franken wins. [UNRESOLVED!]

6. Michele Bachmann loses. [EPIC FAIL.]

7. Darcy Burner wins. [UNRESOLVED!]

8. Saxby Chambliss loses. [UNRESOLVED!]

9. Elizabeth Dole and Ted Stevens lose. [ONE OUT OF TWO! And Ted Stevens is probably going to be kicked out of the Senate anyway.]

10. During her concession speech, a giant black crow shits on Palin's head. [MCCAIN WOULDN'T LET HER SPEAK! HAHAHAHA]

[and 11. Prop 8 fails in California. [EPIC FAIL.]]