Now "the race card" is one of those classic expressions, and even though I know that you know that I know, I'm going to point out for the sake of clarity that while white people like to think that "playing the race card" means using the profagsor's universty-led PC jihad Kulturkamp-imposed Politically Correct sensibilities to one's advantage as a minority--in other words, accruing advantage because you're black or some such--what it really means is that on certain rare instances one's melanin content has failed to adequately diminish his prospects on the sociopoliticoeconomic ladder of our looney-bin, race-obsessed society. What it really means is that for once the cop forgot to shoot the dog, you know? That for once, some nigger had enough money to hire a decent Jew lawyer and beat the charge, that being a helium-filled black avatar of status-quo neoliberalism may, in fact, turn out to be a position of advantage when your opponent looks like he ought to be starring as a CGI effect in the next Brendan Frasier blockbuster.

There was some wonderful news last week: Steven Page, lovable lead singer of the Barenaked Ladies, was arrested for cocaine possession. If Barenaked Ladies, BNL to their fans, were a normal band, this would hardly be news at all. In fact, it might be good for ticket sales. But BNL is a Canadian band, the paid pipers of Anglo-Canada’s blandest, dullest, most aggressively mulched minds–so a simple drug bust is a disaster for them and their trusting, stupid fans.
...
BNL had just come out with their first record for kids when Page, who looks like a computer-aged version of every other smartass you knew in the dorms, was caught by cops in Fayetteville, NY, a suburb of Syracuse, with two women and a few lines of coke. The smug idiot felt so untouchable he’d left the car running outside and the apartment door open. The cops walked in and he said, “It’s cocaine.” No need to waterboard this one, boys.

...
The rest of the band was really bummed because BNL was about to make the big money, Disney money. They’d stopped pretending to be grown-up music and were making the rounds of Canada’s talk shows promoting their first record for kiddies. I’d actually seen them, on our new tv, playing the goofy but nice, safe band guys—a middleaged boy band, the sort of music a suburban wife’s husband might make with his buddies at a weekend bbq. Alas, Disney dumped them as soon as Page’s blow job hit the papers. The family market is not for the weak. Disney announced that BNL was being replaced on the Disney tour by They Might Be Giants, which might be the most loathsome band ever spawned, pure cynical Manhattan sneering, eminently suiatable for the little ones, nearly as evil and cruel as a five-year-old.

...
Of course, some bright spark will no doubt manage the critical insight that this is “schadenfreude,” and therefore illegitimate. But why illegitimate? Perhaps, if you’re a Christian, you have to pretend to believe that a bus crash in Bangladesh is more tragic than your own impoverishment. But I’m not a Christian, most especially not the secular variety so common in Canada. And in the two years since we’ve immigrated to Canada—well, I’ll spare you the whiny details, but things have not gone well. And if there’s one thread uniting all our nastiest experiences here, it’s the taint of Anglo hypocrisy. Real, old-school, Dickensian hypocrisy. Barenaked ladies are the sound track of that hypocrisy, and I am shamelessly delighted to see them fall. May they all be raped in prison.

SOJOURNER ‘FATIMAH’ SHABAZZ – Bangladeshi mother of Arab baby “adopted” by Cyndi McCain from 1984-2003. Grew to regret Muslim indoctrination, converting to Christianity and attempted to reclaim illegitimate black baby from McCains in years approx. 1972 timeframe. Executed 1999 in Darfur under orders of Hova tribesmen related by blood and marriage to Obama, head transported to Bohemian Grove in Northern California as trophy. It was rumored he was going to bring evidence of Wright’s complicity in his father’s death.

ANTONIN BLAIR – Former Chicago city comptroller killed in 1997 cocaine bludgeoning overdose choking stab plunge gunshot from tall building beheaded shotgun blast. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. Just weeks earlier had served multiple subpoenas on illegitimate nephews of Obama, including John McCain.

DESHAUN ‘BLACK JUJU’ HAYNESWORTH – Small-time Washington D.C. drug dealer found murdered in 2008 with sharpened crack cocaine outside Arlington, Va. home of McCain and Obama.

...

OLDSMOBILE JOHNSON – Transvestite homosexual prepared to testify about Obama connection to Hormel meat processing scandal. Confided to friends before 1893 death that McCain did it. Found shot and stabbed in fall from tall building, death ruled ‘murder’. It was rumored he was going to bring evidence of Wright’s complicity in his father’s death.

JOHN-JOHN ‘THE TOTAL FAG’ DIETZ – Author of tell-all book on McCain, ‘One Of These Days, Cyndi, One Of These Days’, also one of Michelle Obama’s many white, female conquests while at Harvard. Filed murder complaint against Michelle Obama with federal Patent and Trademark Office in 2003. Died from a gunshot wound. Because ‘trademarks’ were not considered a crime like it is today, she ended up dropping the charges. Fifteen years later, found murdered to death by Obama, Michelle Obama and John McCain of an apparent murder.

HARACK OUSSEIN BOBAMA – Still-born white Christian heterosexual twin brother of Obama. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. Injured 1961 while still in womb when McCain punched white mother of Obama in stomach. Obama finished job on potential presidential rival by sawing off twin’s head with makeshift ritual Muslim scimitar constructed from placenta, partially digested former Chicago city comptroller.

The Obama Death List
The following is a partial list of deaths of persons connected to Barack HUSSEIN Obama during his time inside the United States. Read the list and judge for yourself...

SARAH BERKLEY - Author of "The Jihad at the Ballot Box" - a book examining Obama's relationship with radical Islam. Died in a mysterious car crash in 2003.

RUSSELL MCDOUGAL - Former FBI operative, January 23rd, 2007. McDougal was known to hold sensitive information about meetings Barack Obama had with arms smugglers. His wife was murdered March 2006 after he went public with his initial reports. His father died July 8, 2006 four hours after McDougal presented his findings on the Savage Nation. Suffered administrative retaliation after reporting discussions by jihadist groups concerning Obama to his superiors.

RODRIGO VILLALOPEZ, a television news camera man who shot the footage of Obama describing small town voters as "bitter" and "clinging to their guns during the primary season.

BRIAN GORING - A defense attorney for Obama patron Antoin Rezko during his trial for extortion and bribery. Died of apparent "natural causes."

MERCEDES HUGLEY, one of Obama's many white, female conquests while at Harvard. Filed sexual assault charges against Obama for date rape in 1990. Because "date rape" was not considered a crime like it is today, she ended up dropping the charges. Two years later, she was found dead of an apparent cocaine overdose.

TAMIKA HILL - A former secretary for Obama's office in Chicago was murdered July 6, 2005 at a rib shack in the south side. Hill had spoken off the record with a reporter from the Chicago Sun Times about meetings Obama had with black militants in the city. She was murdered before she could ever be properly interviewed.

HASAD AL SHAREEZ - FBI informant. Reported to his handler in January 2001 that he had a tape about of a person named simply "B. Hussein" meeting with 9/11 hijacker Mohatma Atta in Prague. Was found shot in the basement of a mosque in Dearborn, MI in October, 2001.

DARSANO RAHARDJO - Childhood classmate of Barack Obama when he attended a madrassa in Indonesia. Was found with his head cut off in a Jakarta alley way in 1970. Many children at the school attributed Rahardjo's murder to the young Barack Obama. It was likely done as an initiation ritual, since Islam demands that a boy spill another's blood before the age of ten to prove their loyalty to Allah.

REVEREND DAVID MANNING - Former head of the Trinity Baptist Church in Chicago. Was murdered during the apparent robbery of a catfish restaurant in 1972. Shortly afterwards, Rev. Jeremiah Wright took over as head of Trinity and a many parishoners (who later left the church) suspected Wright in having a hand in Reverend Manning's death. Decades later, Manning's son JAMAL MANNING was found dead of an apparent crack overdose in 2004. It was rumored he was going to bring evidence of Wright's complicity in his father's death. His testimony was timed to coincide with Obama's first senate race.

CHRISTOPHER HARGROVE, A former lover of Larry Sinclair. Found dead in a hotel room of apparent auto-erotic asphyxiation in January 2001. Was said to have been enraged when he found out that Sinclair had cheated on Jackson with Obama in the back of a limousine. To get revenge, Jackson planned to release digital pictures Sinclair had taken of the encounter on the Internet.

PAUL ROTHCHILD - Democrat National Committee Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Washington DC in 2003. A "friend and trusted advisor" to senatorial candidate Barack Obama. Dead of an apparent suicide.

CURTIS "POOKIE" JACKSON - Chicago drug dealer. Was the subject of a police investigation in which he was suspected of funneling money to Obama's many various community projects. Killed in 1998 in an apparent gang murder.

HARVEY KENYON - Head of Obama's senatorial security team in Chicago. Gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside of Grant Park in 2005. Kenyon's son said his father was building a dossier on Obama. He allegedly threatened to reveal this information. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house

SHEILA BAUGH - A Washington DC madame. Died from a gunshot wound. Reported to have a black book of people containing names of influential people who visited the prostitutes in her brothel. One of those names was allegedly Barack Obama.

KEYSHAWN "SPOON" CALWORTH - Was found dead of an apparent heroin overdose May 18, 1997. Was reported to have ties to Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

LAWSHAWNA MARTIN- 26 year old mother of five, a Cabrini Green resident with a history of substance abuse. Told two of her co-workers at the Blue Peppermint Gentleman's Club that she would have to quit work because she was pregnant again. Strongly implied that the "baby daddy" was Barack Obama. The next week, she was reported missing. No body was ever recovered, but Lawshana has not resurfaced since making those remarks.

BILL FERGUSON- Senior aide to Barack Obama. Found dead of an apparent heart attack.

GANDY BAUGH - Attorney for Obama friend Antonin Rezko died by falling out an eightieth story window of the Hancock Tower, January, 2003. His client was a convicted Chinese spy.

A spokesman said that out of 2 billion passengers screened nationwide since 9-11, there have been only 110,000 abuse complaints.

Labels: Bacon

This is my unscientific opinion, but I think that the main reason that Obama isn't as far ahead as all of us Good-Minded Liberals think he should be is that the race has, so far, only been about Obama.

Even though Generic Republican gets blown out by Generic Democrat, and McCain's policies get thrashed by Obama's policies, neither is really accurate in describing the race right now. Specificity has a way of bringing a candidate down, and gives the voting public something to be against.

Let's say that (grossly), the Republican Brand stands for "Patriotism, Small Government, and Family Values" while the Democratic Brand is "International Cooperation, the Environment, and Civil Liberties." (I know these are silly in their over-simplicity, but just bear with me.) Let's also say that candidate McCain has specific policy proposals that are "Stay in Iraq, No National Health Care, and Don't Meet with Foreign Enemies" that contrast with Obama's "Get Out of Iraq, Mostly Universal Healthcare and Meet with Enemies of the US." The generic Democratic brand beats the generic Republican, and the specific Obama beats the specific McCain. Unfortunately, because the media is focused on Obama so much, the race isn't Republican vs. Democrat or McCain vs. Obama, but rather Republican vs. Obama. "Patriotism, Small Government, and Family Values" vs. "Get Out of Iraq, Mostly Universal Healthcard and Meet with Enemies of the US" is a muuuch closer race to call.

I wouldn't worry. Once the public focuses on both candidates' actual policy prescriptions (instead of just Obama's...*coughMEDIAcough*), I believe that Obama's lead will grow.

U.S. Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is popular among Iraqis.

In two dozen interviews across the country, many told Reuters a black man would understand their plight.

Obama arrived in Baghdad on Monday on only his second trip to Iraq. He wants to bolster his foreign policy credentials and counter accusations from Republican presidential rival John McCain that he has not seen conditions in Iraq for himself.

"I support Obama. I think he is the best for Iraq and for the world ... if McCain wins I will be devastated," said Mustafa Salah, an office worker in the southern city of Basra.

Hisham Fadhil, a doctor in northern Kirkuk added: "He is much better than others because he is black and black people were tyrannised in America. I think he will feel our suffering."

Robert Farley: Indeed; to the extent that the United States must devote years, billions upon billions of dollars, and hundreds of thousands of troops to "winning" in Iraq, the very purpose of the invasion is undermined. It does no good to "throw some little country against the wall" if in doing so our own capacity to act is severely wounded; other little countries that might have been intimidated take note of the fact that we are incapable of acting. This was, of course, why Don Rumsfeld bitterly resisted proposals to go into Iraq with substantially more troops, why he resisted the idea of increasing troop levels, and why he resisted the shift to counter-insurgency; he understood that such moves undermined the purpose of the invasion in the first place. To the extent that the war has been about the extension of American imperium, it has failed disastrously.

I would just emphasize that bit about Rumsfeld. To the extent that post-2006 tactics have proven relatively successful in stabilizing Iraq, this does not provide a viable tactical implementation of the strategy encapsulated in Bush's preventive war doctrine. That strategy requires that it be possible to subdue medium-sized countries in a sufficiently easy and uncompromising way that we could credibly threaten to do it over and over again.

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
Because her father is Janet Reno."

Labels: Bacon

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, ‘Where is that marvelous ape?’

Or maybe I'm being stodgily pre-post-modern, or pre-post-Web-2.0, or something like that. I'm focusing on the cover illustration in isolation, when, in fact, the cartoon plus the artist's explanation of the cartoon plus everyone's reaction to the cartoon, including what I'm typing right now, is the totality of the work, a Cross-Platform Satire-Based Marketing Event, and we're all just shilling for Conde Nast whatever the hell we say about it. The combination of outrageousness and incoherence is what's brilliant about it, because we wouldn't keep talking about it if it actually got its point across. And we are talking about it. We may not like it, but we're soaking in it.

Labels: Bad Metal

JOE BIDEN:
Pros: one of the Senate's oldest and most respected experts in the field of Joe Biden; vast bullshit reserve could be tapped for its methane, powering nation for decades; fondness for partition and ethnic cleansing could be a valuable asset during the Second American Civil War of 2013
Cons: as a wholly-owned subsidiary of DuPont, may be ineligible to hold office

JIM WEBB:
Pros: tempers Obama's unhinged situational war skepticism with demonstrated love of killing things; broadens party appeal to critical demographic of trigger-happy bug-eyed Reagan officials
Cons: vice-presidency would ultimately distract Webb from important work of wiretapping random people while masturbating his guns

Much of the testimony so far has centered on an aspect of the Chelsea "party," as participants have called it, that has turned a run-of-the-mill sex scandal into something altogether more contentious: whether the motif for the event was that of a Nazi concentration camp, as alleged by the tabloid that splashed an account of it across its front page in March, or, as the participants say, an occasion when the use of guttural commands in German, an old Luftwaffe jacket and military-style caps and boots had nothing at all to do with Nazi fantasies.

Labels: Bacon

Labels: iphone, shooting stuff

Labels: Bad Metal

Labels: Bacon