This page last updated 20020303 (initial posting)

But first, the Woes, which are mostly obvious:

• Dialup is slow (but see below, too).

• It's not always on -- This means that if you want to check email, get a set of directions, a recipe, or the local weather-by-zipcode, and you're not already connected, you have to wait for the dueling modems to shriek at each other. If it's something small you want, you may not even bother checking it, and that's a shame when such information is easily available.

• Dueling modems, shrieking at each other. This is how the banshees sound, or the Nazgul.

• Related to that (but not identical), most dialup access means tying up the only available phone line, the same one you might like to use to take voice calls, order pizza, receive faxes, etc.

• Dialup requires a modem. Obvious, but an annoyance. Many low-end PCs come with finicky WinModems which are useless once a Unix or Unix-like operating system has been installed. (Yes, other networking methods also require some hardware, but this is about dialup and its particularities!)

• A modem (at least by itself -- keep reading) requires you to be tied to a phone line. Many phone lines are arranged specifically to inconvenience anyone who would like to use them, so I have gotten used to carrying a length of it around, but even that doesn't help much when the jacks are inaccessable. Besides, that 50-foot length I have at home is pretty bulky to carry around, string around furniture, etc. Those little springtabs are easy to break, too. (Why are phone cords not hooded, like quality ethernet cables are?)

• When you're desperate for it, even that piercing, braying scream can sound pretty nice.

• In the continental U.S., hone lines are everywhere, and most people have very cheap local service. If you're visiting a friend and need to check email urgently, he can probably let you tie up his phone line for a quick local call if there's no other net access.

• 56K isn't that bad. I've actually had some very good dialup connections (in the 48-51K range), and for much of the best stuff on the internet, anything over 9600 is sufficient for happy access, even if more is better. Read with a threshold of 2 or higher, even Slashdot is OK over dialup, and google shows off how a good site should act. Dialup is not the best way to download new movie trailers, but it works just dandy to check email with Pine, use IRC, etc.

• You don't need a new service contract to cross the country. If you move -- of if you're just staying in a fine motel like The Six -- and have an account with one of the large ISPs (Earthlink, MSNBC, AT&T, UUNet, AOL), and are in local calling range of a dialup access point, you're set. Not quite that simple (since it may take a while in the voice-menu muck to find an access number), but I've had success this way calling from deepest Little Rock to the wilds of New Jersey. There are, however, places where even the supposedly nationwide ISPs fall down, affording *not a single local access number for Mindspring or AOL.* West Memphis, Arkansas, for instance (as of late 2001.) Right now, I'm carrying a phone card good for more than 8 hours of long distance, and hope I don't have to use it.

So, the goal in shorter form: a nicely portable, switch-included, easy-to-administer, inexpensive, DCHP-serving, modem-included wireless access box. The result I came up with is not particularly pretty and not as well-integrated as I would like (later revisions may improve both of these failings), but is easy to assemble, flexible in operation, and beats the Airport in price, although not by much. (It could have been done a lot cheaper, though.)

The guts:

- SMC Barricade 7004AWBR, which includes a 4-port switch and a printer port. The shape makes it impossible (or at least difficult) to stack the modem directly atop the AP, which is what I would prefer to do, and which would allow a more compact overall result. Other than that, the ergonomics are fine and the whole thing feels well-constructed, much better than certain SMC devices I looked at a few years ago and decided against. The wallwart, however, is ugly and awkward.) Most imporantly, though, the Barricade has a serial port and a built-in modem-control capability, which no other wireless box I've seen does. $220, retail price. Smarter and more patient people than me will get it for $150 by haunting pricewatch and paying attention to sales, or hitting eBay.

- Cheap generic (well, CompUSA-branded outside but basically unlabeled) 56K modem. Fearing Dr. Murphy, on the same shopping trip I also paid $15 for a US Robotics 33.6 external modem from Computer Renaissance, but have not had to resort to it. (Sad truth: in Fountain City, TN the phone lines aren't worth anything higher than 33.6 anyhow.) This modem has an ugly, unlabeled wallwart. (I have added a label myself now, lest it one day join my collection of orphaned AC adapters). $50, more than I expected generic modems to cost now, but reasonable compared to most other modems I've purchased in my life on a bit/dollar basis. Online, workable eternal 56K modems can be had for $30 (including shipping).

- 25' thin-line phonecord from CVS. The thin stuff seems to work well, and saves considerably on bulk $5.

- phone-cord coupler ($5), and a 6-foot length of additional phonecord (free). Better safe than sorry -- phoneline couplers are a great invention, because often additional *lengths* of cord are available, just not your target distance, but without a coupler, they're unuseable except one at a time.

- 14' CAT5 cable - probably from a desperation run to RadioShack last year. $10

- 6' CAT5 cable (came with the Barricade)

- one scavenged cheap black plastic case, I think originally meant to hold emergency supples for the car, flares, etc.

- one used T-shirt, used to pad the electronics from the case. Will probably replace this with some scavenged foam cut to snugly hold the parts inside the case.

I semi-artfully arranged the named parts into the cheap black case. The result feels surprisingly sturdy, not rattly (though I will improve the makeshift padding soon, and provide a hard flat surface to discourage overheating of the SMC box), and can be set up in under a minute of plugging in the two horrible wallwarts and connecting a computer by wireless (or ethernet).

Once set up (Using the excellent web interface of the Barricade, I selected dial-up as my primary means of connection, entered my local dialup number, and set it to auto-connect; I didn't need to mess around with the modem's initialization string or anything else), the system just works. It is ugly, no doubt, but to me not as ugly as the coneheads-spaceship look of the Airport. Besides which, the non-descript case may be an advantage in certain circumstances. (This box has a lot of great features -- port forwarding, firewalling, etc -- intended for broadband sharing which I'm ignoring for now, but will examine more closely when I actually get beefier connection.)

Whatever company finally puts together the booming wireless AP/ internet sharing / firewall market with the fact that most Internet-connected Americans still rely on POTS for their fix will clean up. A year from now at latest, I expect to see less-ugly boxes from SMC, Linksys or others which actually do all this is a better-looking, more compact box, one which need be no larger than any of the current crop of broadband-routers -- basically, what I'd like to see is a Linksys BEFW11S4 with a built-in v92 modem. That would be easier to carry around than this Frankenmodem -- CompUSA will immediately sell out, and in 3 months they'll cost $180 at Walmart. Hey, what are they waiting for?

Thanks to Alex Porras and Steve Killen for recommending the SMC barricade, and convincing me that SMC products weren't necessarily going to drive me insane.